When you stop and think about it, we’re all so different.
So different
Wait, not these guys. They’re identical. But they’re computer programs so they don’t count.
Except, then if you think about it some more, you’ll realize we’re all pretty much the same.
Unless you’re a heartless narcissist psychotic rhino, seeing this picture you’ll probably say, “awwwww.”
We all want different things out of life, if you think about it.
Want?
And yet, when it comes down to it. Life, food, clothes, shelter . . . we all pretty much want the same things.
All over the world, we have different rules and laws that govern our morals.
But still, there are some laws that are the same no matter what part of the world you’re standing in.
People say “beautiful,” to so many, many different things.
But some things are universally declared as “beautiful.”
In a way though, “ugly,” is as diverse as beautiful is.
Even hyenas can be loved
Though sometimes “ugly,” is concrete.
Rage. Ugly in any language.
Some things people fear, others find cuddly.
Some things people find cuddly, others fear.
Some things people find sacred, others scorn.
Some things people find preposterous, others worship.
Is love the same for everyone? I think so.
Is hate the same for everyone? I believe so.
There are some truths that are locked in, foundational, eternal, steadfast.
Other truths are discovered for yourself, diverse, challenged, cloudy, full of wonder, and sometimes only loved by a few people.
Living is a funny business.
This world is a weird place.
It’s to be rejoiced over. And mourned over.
It’s to be explored.
Every year the Oscars never fail to amaze me.
It’s amazing how they never pick movies I like. Like this year. I think Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows is awesome and enjoyable. Two words that I guess Oscar doesn’t see fit to match with the nominations. Midnight in Paris (which got nominated) – it’s sweet and charming, but come on . . . not quite brilliant. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was brilliantly adapted and wonderfully done (no nomination). Jane Eyre was SO good, a classic tale told with heart and pathos . . . not even a nod. Nada. Nothing. Not to mention my other favorites Hanna, Super 8, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and THE DEBT.
No Oscars for YOU
No Oscars for YOU. (you’re way too popular)
No Oscars for YOU.
Nope, nu-uh, no Oscars for YOU.
You’re apes. No Oscars for YOU.
No Oscars for YOU.
And no, NO Oscars for YOU, either.
Oh well.
No use complaining about something unless you can do something about it. Right?
RIGHT!
So that’s why us at Slacker Heroes.com have created our own Superhero Movie Oscars. That’s right. Roll out your red carpet, make some appetizers (I recommend egg rolls), slip on your tuxedo or evening gown, and mosey on over to slacker heroes to voice your opinion on the best superhero movie ever, best actor, best director, and the whole hoopla.
Finally! An Oscars show I can stand behind.
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Some more news.
I’ve been picked by the ever-awesome Ryan Dalton to answer some questions in a questions game. I think if I don’t answer these I’ll be unlucky in love, stuck in purgatory forever with Katy Perry, start wetting the bed, and all food will start to taste like beef stroganoff or some other such curses.
If you’re not already following @iRyanDalton on twitter you don’t know what you’re missing. He’s quality. Like Zapp’s Voodoo Chips. He’s a super talented writer and fungi (I mean … fun guy) that you want to know.
Here are the questions that I must answer before calamity falls on my head!
1. What was the first thing you wrote that you were genuinely proud of?
My name. I probably even wrote the E backwards, but gosh was I proud that I could start signing legal documents.
2. If you were a food, what would you be?
I’d like to flatter myself and say I’d be an egg roll. However, in all actuality I’d probably be a green pepper.
3. What would your superhero name be, and what superpower would you have?
I’d be Ai, a flying robot super heroine.
4. Your all-time favorite movie?
Agh there are so many! Hm. But seriously. All time favorite movie, where … if I was stuck on a deserted island I’d be happy to watch this one over and over again? Probably The Princess Bride.
5. What’s one thing that helps you write your best?
Thinking a lot about the scene before I sit down and write it, even to the point where I have written the prose in my head.
6. Sweet or salty?
SALTY.
7. What’s one genre you’d love to write in, but haven’t yet?
Children’s Picture Books.
8. Your favorite time-wasting activity?
Dusting. I dust. Things get dusty again. It’s a time waster but I do it anyway.
9. If you were an evil overlord, what would you name your main henchman?
My main henchman would be a talking rhino, and I would name him Thundergod Wisefingers Anderson
10. What’s your favorite word?
Five. Wait, that’s my favorite number. My favorite word is: lovely.
11. Can I have ten bucks?
No. But you can have this bag of chocolate chips beside me. It’s half full, but you’ll be able to make one batch of chocolate chip cookies with it. You’re welcome.
What do you think of the Oscars?
Go check out slackerheroes.com and vote on your favorite superhero movies and actors!
Here are some of my recent favorite things I’ve discovered.
Favorite Recent Movie
Howl’s Moving Castle
Favorite Recently Read Books
Ryne Douglas Pearson’s creepy short story: Beholder
Marni Mann’s gripping story of a junkie: Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales
Favorite Movie Still
The Hobbit movie stills. YES!
Favorite Blog Post:
We Are They by Piper Bayard
Favorite Manifesto I’ve Read Recently:
Get Knox McCoy’s hilarious Manifesto for FREE
Favorite Valentines Meal in the past year:
Outback Steakhouse’s ribs are my favorite.
Favorite Recently Discovered Music
What are your current favorite things?
If you’ve been wondering what all the agricultural buzz in Iraq has been about lately, it’s because SALT International’s team will be arriving in northern Iraq at the end of the month.
That’s right. A soybean developing team. That rhymes. But doesn’t make much sense.
Let me put it this way:
Instead of providing RELIEF work to less-developed countries, SALT International provides DEVELOPMENT to less-developed countries. Instead of rolling into a hard-hit city or village, giving food/clothes away and essentially ruining the economic development in the country by doing so; they’ll roll in, build a metaphorical foundation with the leaders, educate and train farmers to grow soybeans, buy the soybeans from them, mill the soybeans into animal feed, and sell it to animal farmers. This provides farmers with cash. This provides workers with a job at the mill. This provides animal farmers local commodities instead of them having to import expensive animal feed into the country like they have to now.
Weapons of Mass Construction
(my dad’s on the right. my brother, Jesse, has a hand on the circular saw)
Here, I’ll let them explain it now:
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I’m super excited about this project.
One, because of how awesome it is. Two, because my Dad is the director of the organization, and I’ve watched this grow from a seedling philosophy in his head to what it is now. Also, one of Michael and my best friends, Justin and Molly Carney, are on the team and we’re excited to see their dream of living in Kurdistan (northern Iraq) fulfilled.
You might or might not have remembered the interview that I did of Millad and Jesse, two workers in Afghanistan. That is also SALT International’s project.
My Dad and his team at the soy mill they built in Afghanistan
I just wanted to share my excitement about this development project with you. If you’re interested in more information about them, check out their website or ask any question in the comments.
This development for third world countries idea is really close to my heart. I’ll probably be talking more about it in the future.
I’m mad about the way women are viewed as objects. Women are turned into so many objects it’s not even funny.
A Whiteboard
A Sword Holder
A Lampstand
A Candelabra/Serving tray
A Paper Shredder
A Decorative Shrubbery
A Flag Pole
Emergency Toilet Paper Roll Service
A virgin sacrifice to stem the Titan’s wrath
A Lawn Mower
A Shot Glass
A Human Life Raft
But most of all, I hate it when people view women as a:
Pretty Tiger Pelt Rugs
I think it’s time we finally talked about the elephant in the sci-fi room. Nobody wants to speak of it but everyone’s thinkin’ it.
The subject that usually has us moaning in pleasure, licking our lips, and begging on our knees for more, but is sorely lacking in the sci-fi genre.
That’s right: FOOD . . .
Read more at SlackerHeroes.com
I go to reading time at the library every week. It’s like going to the bar to pick up chicks except I’m going to pick up play-date friends for my kids.
It was time for the parachute game. Hundreds of cotton balls were flying through the air and falling like snow over the carpet. The atmosphere was quite friendly. I turned to the nice woman beside me and smiled.
“Having a good day?” she asked.
“Yep, I got my laundry finished so-” I laughed. “It’s definitely a good day.”
“Oh,” she said. “I always get my laundry finished.”
She smiled.
I smiled, or grimaced. I can’t remember which.
Sometimes you just don’t hit it off with someone.
Here are some other ways to not hit it off with a new friend.
-Like, when you’re at the theater with a friend and repeat the best lines out loud, with a grin and a giggle. In an English accent. And then post the quotes on FB. *bonus points for muttering them to yourself as you type them into your phone* Do this often enough and your friend will probably only go to movies with you that have terrible lines.
-Like, when it’s time to leave a play-date and you tell your friend, “Why don’t your kids pick up the toys because it’ll set a good example for my kids?”
-Like, if you beg to see pictures of them in high school and then laugh at them for being so dorky. *bonus points for stealing one and putting it on FB*
They’re so rad because of their khakis and tattoos.
“What instrument do you play, Don?”
“I play the shoe.”
No. Words. Needed.
-Like, if you keep forgetting what gender their new baby is. “Oh, she’s so cute. I mean … he’s so cute. What gender is your baby again?” *who knew Adam wasn’t an androgynous name?*
-Like, if your friend says she thinks your child has a poopy diaper you say, “Whoever smelt it dealt it.” “What?” “HA! If you smell it first you have to change it. House rules.”
-Like, if you offer to wash their car, and when they accept you say, “Oh that was a rhetorical question because you really need to wash your car.”
-Like, if you’re at a new friends house and you check out all the medications in their medicine cabinet and then call the cops because you found illicit drugs. *turns out rohypnol and rocephin aren’t the same thing*
-Like, if you invite them to get drunk and go streaking and when they refuse you call them a coward in front of their children and then put up flyers all around their neighborhood with their picture and COWARD printed under it.
-Like, if every time they cuss, you cross yourself.
-Like, if you ask to borrow their couch for the weekend and then never return it . . . and ask if they want to help you haul yours to the thrift store.
-Like, if anytime their dog barks you bark back.
Some friendships are just not meant to be.
So, like . . . how do you *not* win friends and influence people?
we interrupt this regular scheduled program to announce:
I’M A SLACKER HERO!
That’s right. I’m making regular contributions to the Slacker Hero society, where pop culture and movies and books and geeky goodness meets together and hangs out. I have a bio there and everything, which means they’re not embarrassed to know me (yet).
My first article is:
in which I give my thoughts on this movie:
I hope you enjoy!
ppmeL eneG took over for Charon last weekend when Charon’s bowling league went to the state championships. He said Styx was creepy and smelly, his boss was devilish, his clients were dead, but the pay was so good he can finally afford the villa in Olympus he’d been wanting.
Olympus–don’t forget your toga
enirehtaC once found a hat on a bridge. Anytime she put it on, she could hear others’ thoughts. She worked for the police, interrogating suspects, until one day when she was crossing the same bridge that she found it on . . . a troll attacked her and took back his hat. He also gave her quite a nice size goose-egg on her head for “stealing his precious.”
raeppasthguohT and her high school space traveling thespian team have the galaxy record for the most plays performed on the most solar systems. She’s famous for her role as Liliwinlilian in the award winning Grouch Stares into the Neverending Vacuum Abyss.
eelyaB nedE the archeologist, on a dig in Salt Lake City, discovered Dr. Monsieur Mole’s sinister plot to dig tunnels under every major American city, so they would eventually collapse into a pile of rubble. Thankfully, she got the information into the right hands just in time . . . and by flooding his mole holes with water, his domination will never see fruition.
Sinister
NewOBK‘s evil stepmother is very evil, and green with jealousy and white with rage regarding NewOBK’s beauty and talent for being next in line for the throne. First, she tried to kill NewOBK by planting a poisoned comb in her bureau. Luckily, NewOBK didn’t comb her hair that day. Second, she tried to kill NewOBK by poisoning her bathwater. Luckily, NewOBK didn’t bathe that day, either. And finally, evil stepmother tried to kill NewOBK by offering her hot chocolate with foamy whipped cream on top. Luckily, NewOBK was lactose intolerant and refused–however, the drink looked so good the stepmother drank it herself and fell down dead. However, NewOBK has now grown so paranoid that she stopped bathing and combing her hair entirely.
kriK gniynuJ can create flowers out of good thoughts and delicious meals out of good words and pies in the face of the wicked out of noble deeds.
Sir Nigel Wigglebottom studied ants for a thousand years. And then he studied elephants for a thousand years. And then he studied lions for a thousand years. And then he studied gorillas for a thousand years. And then he took over the world.
Tsugua is a master chef–legend has it that she created a nine-course meal for the pope out of three goldfish, a can of black beans, Wonder bread, four strawberries, Cooler Ranch Doritos, fish broth, and dandelion salad. He claimed that meal was the closest he’d ever get to heaven on earth. I’m wondering if she’s an enchantress.
Uadnileisus is one of those crazies who jumps out of helicopters to ski down mountains, hang glides from Niagra Falls, parachutes off the 5 tallest buildings in the world, and spelunkers in underwater caves. The cool part about it? She’s blind.
ETIHW YNAFFIT played her zither with Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler, and Starchild, The Demon, Spaceman, & Catman. Wig, boots, vests, makeup, sweat, leather . . . she’s the real deal. The real zither deal.
Rock on!
Sniktiw Ssej is the world famous LEGO architect. You know the Japanese LEGO pagoda in the Emperor’s garden? That was her. You know the new monument in Washington for all the presidents who were assassinated? The one in the form of the grim reaper? That was her, too. And the new LEGO Roller coaster made entirely of LEGO bricks? That was hers, too . . . but that was done during her “wacko” years.
Nede is the super eco-concious fashion designer, who won’t sew with any fabric unless it’s been either thrifted or made from recycles paper. Needless to say, she’s been accused of formulating this whole “global warming” theory to boost her sales.
reklaW divaD built an ark, freed a slave, slew a giant, was swallowed by a whale, healed a leper, and went to heaven in a flaming chariot–just like all of his favorite Bible characters.
yelleK nnyL collects old cats. It doesn’t really matter what color or species they are, they just have to be old. She’s like the Mother Teresa of Catlandia. In fact, an aging lioness has been known to walk more than 100 miles to make it to her doorstep.
Eener is a quilter. THE quilter. Her quilts predict the future.
Galiram is the first Lady Knight recognized by King Arthur for her noble deeds. However, Sir Kay made a ruckus about her being “just a girl,” (just as he always makes a ruckus with any new knight), King Arthur sent her on three quests to test her skill: One, to fetch the golden Goose from the Giants in the Sky. Two, to bring back the elixir of Life from Morgana. And third, to steal the flaming sword from the cherubim guarding the Garden of Eden. She completed two of the tasks.
rennikS was the first man on the moon. Lured by promises of everlasting cheese, many men fought for their right to be man on the moon. But no one did until Armstrong came along . . . he was a worthy opponent . . . and the first to usurp rennikS.
Sdrahcir Aicram, the most beautiful girl in the galaxy. “Is this the face that launched a thousand spaceships?” they said of her after her disappearance caused the Third Galaxy War.
Drofgdirb Nhoj Nayrb, oh how he loved his longboard. He’s the only man to ever longboard across the whole state of Arizona, the first to longboard up Mount Elbert, and the first to give away thousands of longboards to kids in central South America. Which is why longboards in central South America are sometimes called Drofgdirb.
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Sweet! That was fun. Let’s do this again. You heard me. Two weeks. Be here or be square.
Just leave a comment below of a place.
And then I’ll randomly chose a dozen names in the comments to create a dozen tall tales from.
And spread the word! The more the merrier!
The Post About Rockstar Bloggers
Kinda like this. Except bloggers.
It’s the season of Academy Awards. You know, that time when celebrities give each other awards and tell each other how hot they are. “No, Bradjolina YOU are hottest.” “No, no, ReynoLively, YOU are what’s sizzling’.” “Hey, hey, look over here! We’re Mendosling. So much hotness in a couple hasn’t even been recorded yet.”
You know what else that means. It’s going to be a nightmare trying to get a hold of a fashion designer. You know what else this means? There’s nothing good in the theater because they were all trying to get on screen before the Awards season. I guess next date night we’ll be staying home and watching The Princess Bride. Again.
So I’ve decided it’s awards season around these parts, too. Blogging awards season. Where we award each other with blogging awards and roll out the figurative red carpet from one blog to the other. I’ve been awarded the Kreativ Blogger (Creative use of the letter K, isn’t it?) Award by Gene Lempp and Tiffany A. White, and the Versatile Blogger Award by Jess Witkins.
In return, I award Gene Lempp The Coolest Myths and Legends Site On The Web Award, with a side award of The Link King. Here’s his crown:
Those are real jewels, Gene. Wear this with pride.
Gene not only writes seriously cool articles on archeology, myths, and legends in his series called Designing from Bones, but he also writes mash-ups the size of my forearm with tons of links and good articles. Oh, and did I also mention he is awesome at pimping blogs on twitter? Oh, and did I also mention he’s a biker? Oh, and did I also mention he has a killer voice? Oh, and did I also mention he can beat a cheetah in a unicycle race? Okay, so I may have stretched that last fact. But this guy is gold. Just like his crown.
And then there’s Tiffany A. White. The A stands for Awesome. She’s the only person I’ve met online and then went on a date with. And that date went so well we’ve been on several dates since. Coffee dates. Ahem. Coffee. At a bookstore. Not romantic, at all. But I do love her. She’s a seriously great chick with loads of talent and charm. Plus, she blogs about television and movies and keeps me up to date on the TV world. Which is why I’m awarding her the Sweetest Television Review Blog Award in the form of a candy remote:
Last but not least there’s Jess Witkins. She awarded me the Versatile Blogger award. Which is I think her way of saying “You post about random and weird stuff did you take you medicine?” My answer to Jess is: “Yes, I did take my medicine (aka, I eat Skittles one at a time as I drink a glass of water).”
Now if you’re on her site for more than five minutes without a smile of mirth on your face I’ll label you a psychopath. And if you’re a psychopath you have no business on her blog because she’s pure and good clean fun. She blogs on anything from book reviews to Crafts for Poor People to wanting to hibernate all winter long. Plus she has like a bajillion subscribers. I don’t know why I added that but it seemed important.
Ah yes! It’s important because…if all those people subscribed and are staying subscribed (important) then you know she’s freakin’ fantastic.
That’s why I’ve awarded her this Mother Duck Award. Because she is one to follow.
However, another LAW (like the 10 commandments, dawg) that you have to do at these blogging award shows is give 7 facts about yourself that you don’t think anyone will know. Like that time you licked the steering wheel because you dropped some of your yogurt there (that was a completely random example)
That law leads me to question it of course. Why 7? Why?!
I think it’s because (biblically speaking,) 7 is the number of completion. And if readers read 7 facts about you they’ll feel they know you completely. Which is a scary thought. Which is why I’ll only include 6.
1.) I’ve only kissed one man in my whole life and he is my husband. Before December 29, 2006 I was the most virginest virgin you’ve ever met. Ever.
2.) My mom taught us the lost art of Memorization. You know, that thing where you keep chunks of text in your head instead of in your e-reader. I know all my favorite poems by heart, and not a few chapters of the Bible. Which leads me to:
3.) I went to a Bible College. And studied the Bible for a year. That means I can exegete the crap out of 2 Corinthians. It also means I know where 2 Corinthians is.
4.) I’m terrified of alligators and crocodiles. I like snakes. Spiders you can squish underfoot. Mice you can catch. Rats you can strike with a saber. But alligators and crocodiles? *shudder* They’re the doom of men.
5.) When I was in 8th grade basketball, playing my heart out, I stole the ball, dribbled all the way to the other end of the court, shot and made a lay up . . . to the yelling and screams of my teammates. Why were they so excited? I had shot it in the wrong hoop–two points for the opposing team. After the game, in the middle of quite extensive ribbing from my team mates my coach said wryly, “Yeah but it was a good lay up.”
6.) My family likes traveling the globe. Before I was 19 I’d traveled to Thailand, Italy, Japan, & Taiwan . . . and both American coasts. Oh, and Texas. Which some people consider its own country.
OK, now that’s all over with and you think you know a little bit about me but you don’t have a complete idea … we come to the second LAW (like Newton’s, baby) of blogger awards.
You write down a blogroll of all your favorites. Now, besides all my favorites on the sidebar, I have a ton of other ones I like. Get out your pad and pen, dudes and dames, because they’ll be comin’ fast!
- Amber West A DAY WITHOUT SUSHI
- Paul Johnson’s The Good Greatsby
- Stacy Green TURNING THE PAGE
- Dina Santorelli MAKING BABY GRAND
- Heather Murdock PRAWN AND QUARTERED
- Leanne Shirtliffe is IRONIC MOM
- Adelaide’s Homesewn FASHION BLOG
- Amy Stevens LIFE FROM THE TRENCHES
- Liz Hellebuyck THAT’S WHAT LIZ SAID
- Knox McCoy PROFOUNDLY NONSENSICAL AND PRONE TO HYPERBOLE
- Marilag Lubag’s BLOG
- Jen Kirchner’s BLOG
- Renee A Schuls-Jacobson LESSONS FROM TEACHERS AND TWITS
- Tori Nelson’s RAMBLINGS HUMOR IN THE HUMDRUMS
- Myndi Shafer’s BLOGGING BAREFOOT
- Kristen Lamb’s WARRIOR WRITERS
- David Walker’s WHERE THE HEART IS
- KB Owen MYSTERY WRITER
- Catie Rhodes FULL TILT BACKWOODS BOOGIE
- August McLaughlin’s blog SAVOR THE STORM
Oh my gosh. Once I got started I couldn’t stop. Seriously. That was like the infinity blogroll. There are a lot of good blogs up there. There are a lot of good blogs to read. No wonder books are in danger. Too many good bloggers out there. Stop! Protect the books by stop blogging so well!! I mean it!
Have any good blogs to recommend? (Namely, yours?)
Were there any Blogging Award LAWS that I missed? (I hope not!)
