Tall Tale Tuesday: Head & Shoulders Knees & Toes

Ah, I see you’re back for more tall tales. I’m not sure why you want to put yourself at the mercy of my imagination, as it can get rather upside down and inside out in there, but I’m so happy that you’re here that I’ll try to make your tall tales as painless as possible for you. TRY, I said. No promises.

Gene Lempp travelled seven days into the Bering Sea with only his sailboat, and when he got to Barrow, Alaska, he travelled seven more days on the back of a great Elk he’d befriended, and when the Elk left him over a drunken poker fight, Gene Lempp travelled seven more days on foot and when he came to his pen-pal’s house in the frigid Alaskan wilds all he found was a cabin and a frozen pinkie finger. He’d always wondered how that pinkie finger managed to write him those letters.

Much to her utter popularity in frat houses, and utter embarrassment at her grandmother’s house, Anne Mhairi Simpson is the originator of belly shots, though she thinks the name kind of stupid because a belly button full of alcohol should hardly be called a shot.

Larry Enright was the best magician the Merlin had ever fought. Their battle was fierce for they both wanted the last remains of the unicorn mustache. When the unicorn  heard of their duel he was so disgusted that he turned them both into newts and all their magic was lost. And I’m pretty sure that’s why the Western Civilization fell into the Dark Ages.

When Eden Baylee, the space cowgirl, arrived at the Pleiades Multi-Universe Beauty Competition the alien organizer disqualified her from the show because she was the only creature with lips and they thought that gave her an unfair advantage.

JRD Skinner’s karate sensei gazed at his right ankle and said, “That will be the death of you one day.” And that’s why JRD Skinner fashioned protection for his weak spot and is known as Iron Boot, though he’s still paranoid about his left ankle.

Sonia G Medeiros can look at your earlobes and know what your next sin is going to be. She’s says it’s a blessing and a curse — but her children and husband only see it as a curse.

Have you ever heard of the professional toy dog cosmetologist named Renee Schuls-Jacobson? She gives puppy pedicures, hair cuts/perms/dyes, and even puts mascara on the outermost corner of the eyelashes. Though she only accepts her fees in gold dabloons, her clients swear by her.

(Westminster dog show)

Writerwannabe2011 is a uvula specialist but she always gets the strangest looks after she tells people that … and always enlightens them by explaining that it has nothing to do with pap smears.

Chris A. didn’t tell anyone about the Chimaera he saw while cliff diving on the Amalfi Coast. He didn’t share how he saved a baby goat from its clutches and was locked in an epic battle until he finally defeated it using his parachute and protein bars. And he always tells everyone he lost his left pinky toe to a mowing accident … but I have my suspicions.

Lynn Kelley can smell a French silk pie from a mile away — but only with her left nostril. If she ever knocks on your door just as you’re cutting into your French silk pie be sure to let her in cause she always brings chocolate covered raspberries to eat with it.

As K.B. Owen read Ten Apples Up On Top to The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Winnie the Pooh (who had a raging sinus infection) accidentally stepped on The Very Hungry Caterpillar and K.B. Owen has been in mourning so if you see her, it’d be best not to mention Ten Apples Up On Top.

So that you have it, tigers. Your very own tall tales! hehe. It was quite fun. Let’s do it again next week!!

Just write a comment with a form of transportation and come back in two weeks for your very own tall tale featuring you!

And tell your friends, cause … I love to make up tales about people. People like you, especially.

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17 Comments

  1. Hey, the Elk totally cheated and I know the pinkie is watching me :)

    Okay, transportation.

    Vespa.

    Reply
  2. How have I missed commenting the last few weeks? My bad. I always love your work.

    Reply
  3. This is so randomly funny! I especially like, “Lynn Kelley can smell a French silk pie from a mile away — but only with her left nostril.” I will look forward to next week’s installment.

    Reply
  4. Emma lang

     /  August 9, 2011

    Loved it! I really loved the French silk pie!
    My form of transportation? Merman.

    Reply
  5. You have the coolest imagination. I don’t know how you think up all this off-the-wall stuff, but it cracks me up every time. Way to go, Ellie!

    Reply
  6. Those can’t be my lips, I’d NEVER wear colored lipstick, let alone TWO colors. I smell a set-up!

    Fab post, Ellie!

    eden

    Reply
  7. Oops, forgot my mode of transportation – flying carpet.

    Reply
  8. It’s always a pleasant pick-me-up when Tuesday rolls around. I’m off to get the iron boot shined, but I’ll call a massive tortoise caravan as my method of transportation.

    Reply
  9. I had no idea that Anne-Mhairi was the originator of the body shot. Thank you, Anne-Mhairi! :)

    Form of transportation – a bicycle built for two

    Reply
  10. Awesome! I knew there was a reason I was so popular but I simply couldn’t put my finger on it until now…

    Transportation: Enchanted amulet.

    Reply
  11. Elephant.

    Reply
  12. Ellie: I accidentally commented on the wrong blog post! You can delete the comment. But I am weirded out that you know about my secret love of applying mascara to dog’s eyelashes. Have you been creepin’ round my back door?

    MODE of TRANSPORTATION: Toilet

    Love this!

    Reply
  13. Chris A.

     /  August 9, 2011

    This stuff is so random it is awesome. Well not the part about me. That is truth. I had a feeling you knew the truth, but you only got half of it. And when you do figure out the whole truth, please don’t share it with everyone. Please. Thanks.

    Reply
  14. haha. this is great. good stuff.

    Reply
  15. Emilie G

     /  August 11, 2011

    I haven’t ridden on ROLLERBLADES in forever and a day. Maybe I can next Tuesday :)

    Reply
  16. I read this on a Thursday and it was still amazing!

    Random word: indisposed

    Reply
  17. This is the first time I have read your tall tales and they were hilariously funny.

    Reply

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