Tall Tale Tuesday: Red is the color of the…

Gene Lempp sailed around the world in a purple sailboat seven times. I’m not sure whether that means he’s a master sailor or a really bad navigator.

Fred Jinkins

Elizabeth created a mosaic of Edward Norton’s face in her front hallway. He’s has on a wide smile and a silver polka dot bow tie.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Skinner is the legendary predator wrestler. He tackles anything from alligators to king cobras, just for the sport of it!
And he’s won every wrestling tournament (special note: he always abides by the animal kingdom’s wrestling regulations) Whether his power comes from his diet of watercress salad/fudge brownies or his crimson eyes … we’ll never know.

Once upon a time when Eden Baylee was six yrs old her evil stepmother took her on a horse ride through the woods. Knowing her stepmother’s black and jealous heart, she picked a white daisy and scattered its seeds as she rode. Just as she anticipated, her stepmother pushed her off the horse and abandoned her alone in the middle of the dark woods. Luckily, she found the well-dressed, silent, bearded bowlers who had hosted Rip Van Winkle so many years ago. She ordered a drought of month-long forgetfulness, and the next thing she knew she awoke and followed a trail of white daisies back home.

Susie Lindau can control lightning–as long as she’s wearing a periwinkle blue Ascot.

One year the American tooth fairy was fired due to mental instability. Sonia G Medeiros petitioned Oberon for the job, which he quickly granted her, and gave her the copper teleportation ring allotted to all tooth fairies. I wonder what she does with all the teeth she collects.

Tiffany A White won double dutch tourneys three years running in the Bronx. She’s got moves you’ve never seen . . . and an outfit to match. Who knew a red rodeo clown suit would be an appropriate jump roping outfit?

David N Walker, the famous geneticist, combined the genes of a lizard and a kangaroo … creating the lizardoo. As you would expect, they are very useful delivering information and lizardoos have completely replaced mail people in Australia.

Stephanie Fuller the Feisty Cerulean Knight captured the bridge over the Bottomless Pit, and challenged every knight who wanted to cross it to a duel (she gives rock candy to every woman and child that pass). After she won the duel (which she invariably would) she’d cut off a lock of their hair, which she stuffed into pillows and sold to the King.

After Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson became Empress of The Earth, Moon, Planets, Including all Habitations Earth Might Discover (try to say that title in one breath), she had every SINGLE fuchsia object destroyed. She said it “messed with her chi.”

The Colors were racing to the aurora borealis. First one there got to be top of the rainbow. Last one there, bottom of the rainbow. Indigo, the most arrogant of all Colors, was the favored winner. However, he was so arrogant he thought he could get there without directions. When things got tricky he stopped and demanded KB Owen give him directions. KB Owen, not liking the tone he took with her, gave him directions that took him the long way around Canada, and THAT, my friends, is why Indigo is last on the rainbow (and why speaking politely to strangers is always a good idea.)

Larry Hehn doesn’t trust cell phones. He says the government uses them to read your minds. So instead of an iPhone, Blackberry, Droid, or whatever phone the government is using to read your mind with, Larry uses Macaws. Green Macaws. So if you see one of those magnificent birds flying through the city, it’s probably one of Larry’s.

Lynn Kelley invented a household robot that she called Mr. P Green. Mr. P Green does dishes, sweeps floors, dusts furniture, and most importantly … writes thank you notes.

Emilie G. plays lead guitar in an underwater band. So if you are a lover of weird yet phenomenal music, and have 3k $ to blow on a ticket to one of her concerts, you should definitely book a ticket to Necker Island and see her band, The Corals.

Jess Witkins broke the world’s land speed record for riding-on-a-football-player’s-shoulders-while-wearing-an-auburn-wig.

If you knew Eden Rebekah, you’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood. You’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood and walking through a deep dark wood. You’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood and walking through a deep dark wood and carrying a hot delicious pot pie. You’d want to warn her there are wolves out and about. If only you knew Eden Rebekah.

Now that was good clean fun! Much better than those boring turtle races and bell ringing bands you find on TV nowadays.

So sign up for your own! Just drop a line in the comments below with a MOVIE TITLE and in two weeks time you’ll star in your very own taaallll tale.

Leave a comment


  1. Well you see, there was this fish I kept following before you knew it, around the world seven times. The fish laughed but later tasted quite good.

    Movie Title: Pandorum

    • EllieAnn

       /  November 1, 2011

      ah, of course it had something to do with a fish! Sorry I ever doubted your navigational skills.

  2. Go Periwinkle! It makes the yellow “power tie” seem tame…

    Movie Title: Goofballs

    • EllieAnn

       /  November 1, 2011

      ha! power ties are totally tame compared to your periwinkle ascot.

  3. A fun post, as always!

    Movie Title: Spirited Away

  4. It’s amazing how many crackers you can buy for $29.95 per month.
    And no long-term contracts to sign.
    I refer to all my local calls as The Green Mile.

    • EllieAnn

       /  November 1, 2011

      hahahahaha! You could probably go into business if the government wouldn’t shut you down.

  5. How did you know the daisy was my favorite flower? You’re amazing , Ellie!

    Movie: Last Tango in Paris


    • EllieAnn

       /  November 1, 2011

      If will be fun to write about Paris. And dancing the Tango.

    • EllieAnn

       /  November 1, 2011

      If will be fun to write about Paris. And dancing the Tango. Perhaps I shall write about Paris dancing the tango.

  6. I don’t know what is this all about but I think we’re supposed to comment a movie.
    How about Indiana Jones (1981)? Just watched it last night.

  7. Spot on!

    I hate when stuff messes with my chi.

    Especially fuschia stuff.

    MOVIE: I hate to be difficult, but can we just go with any Lifetime Television Movie for Women. ;-)

  8. They’ve recently started using lizardoos in the Deep South, too, because the regular mail carriers kept running into the Steel Magnolias.

  9. I always look forward to your tall tales! I like Larry’s messenger macaw method (as long as they don’t poop on my head, lol). And that Indigo got exactly what he deserved! Not going to let some uppity color get sassy with ME.

    My favorite movie: Casablanca. Cpt. Louis Renault is my favorite character in it: “I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that gambling is going on here!”

  10. lynnkelleyauthor

     /  November 1, 2011

    I love how you throw all these wild, original ideas together to entertain us. These are so clever, some of my favorites of all your Tall Tale posts!

    Movie: Box of Moonlight

  11. Jess Witkins

     /  November 1, 2011

    I’ve never had someone so eloquently allude to my athletic thighs. Thank you, Ellie. It was a tough race, but I think I and the footballer are better off for it, it was a great team building exercise.

    Movie: A Fish Called Wanda

  12. This is such a fun post. A movie title? The 13th Warrior. Thanks, Ellie. :)

  13. Ellie, are you making fun of my clown suit? I’ll just wear it even longer if you are…..

    I can’t believe you have me jumping double dutch! How did you know that I loved jumping rope? Huh?

    As always, wonderful tales. Someone around here is extremely talented.

    Name of a movie? Um, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I also have a bit of Dazed and Confused in me. Perhaps, I’m Dazed and Confused while eating Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

    Okay, I’m simpled out. Happy November!!

  14. Eden Rebekah

     /  November 1, 2011

    The Village
    watched that with the fam on halloween

  15. Lol, so funny!

    My fav film at the moment has to be…er…Wrong Turn, oh wait, I love the Fast & Furious films, and About Last Night is fabulous!

  16. Is that lead guitar or lead guitar? Cause the latter would help keep you unda da sea.


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