Thilly Thursday: Dime Novel Romance

You can learn a lot about what women like from Dime Novel Romance Titles.

Q: What is cuter than a cute Cowboy man in a bed?

A: A cute Cowboy man holding a cute baby!

Q: What can possibly be cuter than a cute man cuddling a soft pink baby in a bed?

A: Cowboy man cuddling THREE cute babies!

Awww. My ovaries are going to melt from the pure endorphin joy rush of this Cowboy cutie pie triplet book cover. It’s probably filled with such sexy phrases as:

“Hey baby, I bought this new lavender massage oil. Can I rub your feet?”

“Hey beautiful, your varicose veins are going away so fast it’s as if they were never there.”

“Want to go take a bath and watch Pride and Prejudice while I watch the triplets?”

“What stretch marks?”

“I like the smell of baby spit up and greasy hair.”

“No, no, baby . . . don’t worry about cooking supper, I already ordered sushi. Let’s just cuddle in bed with the triplets. Just a minute . . . I’ve got to get my cowboy hat first.”

Must Love Kilts? Oh, the kilts. I love the Kilts, good sir. And I love your snake Egyptian arm band, too. Just please be careful, ripped Scottish lad, because it looks like Vikings are about to attack.

“Hey, Katie?”

“Yes, Amber?

“Got any bachelors I can borrow for the partay at Kim and Jorge’s house tonight?”

“Uh, *smacks gum* Lemme check….okay, I got a blonde, no abs . . . a smart black one with glasses and can hold a conversation . . . oh! oh yeah! And there is one dark and handsome one in my upstairs guest room I forgot about.”

“Can I borrow the smart one? You know how Amber likes to read and all that…”

“Oh, for sure. But you owe me one, haha!”

“Haha! Dont’ worry, I’ll just be borrowing. You can have him back tomorrow no worries.”

This is possibly the saddest cover I’ve ever seen.

She’s in the arms of a man, but it seems as if she forgot to bring something VERY important to their union.

Love.

And it appears Love has forgotten about her, too. *sob!*

WHAT?!

You can bake husbands? Oh my gosh! This is like . . . the best kept secret since the moon landing conspiracy. If ladies can make their own husbands . . . good gosh, my head is exploding with the possibilities.

This husband she made appears to enjoy getting smacked on the cheek with a spatula.

But wait, perhaps I am taking this too far. Perhaps it’s a figurative husband recipe, like . . . what you should combine if you’re looking for a husband:

- 1 red tank top

- 6 (to infinity) home made meals

- 4,000 smiles

- a splash of desperation

- 7 sunflowers on your counter

- 1 home with wi-fi, cable, & big screen TV.

Combine these ingredients and walla! You’ll have a delicious, smiling husband standing next to you in no time.

Or, if you tire of cooking infinity meals and smiling 4,000 smiles . . . then perhaps this book is for you. You WANT to be a Mrs . . . but I mean not like, forever and all that! So you should just have fun being a temporary Mrs. King. After all, being a temporary Mrs. is where all the fun is at. Especially if you’ve got a tight dress, smoldering gaze, and are apt at holding a red . . . um, tie?

This, out of all of the books I picked up, is the one I want to read the most. The title has my imagination careening with ideas. What IS a baby battalion? Is the man’s nickname Baby? And this is about his battalion? The book series appears to be called DADDY CORPS so perhaps this battalion is made up of Daddy’s whose only responsibility is to protect their babies? But most interesting of all is this man is aiming at something–which leads to the most obvious conclusion: there’s a battalion of demon babies that he must hunt down and destroy before they kidnap his Russian mail-order bride that he is starting to have feelings for. Now THAT’S a book I could read.

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