Tall Tale Tuesday: Open Wide

You’re back! So glad you’ve returned to read some crazy tales and try to decide which ones are taken from my past and which ones are taken from my imagination (tip: I had nothing to do with the prime rib incident).

And the winners of last week’s Tall Tale Tuesday lottery are:

#1:

K.B. Owen complained so loudly about Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies being false advertising that the Girl Scouts eventually changed the name to Fat Mint Cookies.

#2:

Amber West was so obsessed about her red quinoa burgers that she planted, gardened, and harvested her own quinoa at the peak of perfection. She waters the seeds with fresh mountain water she gathers on a mountain hike every morning, and she covers their stalked at night with little alpaca wool blankets she knits herself. After harvest, she lovingly creates the burgers. Since she began making them in ’09, she’s been so intensely worshipful of her amazing quinoa burgers she hasn’t even shared a bite with one other person. Is she just being greedy? Or are there more to the burgers than meets the eye?

#3:

David N Walker spoils his cats so much that all they’ll eat are blackened cajun medium-rare prime rib with a drizzle of maple syrup and a side of ground veal. If he wasn’t the Sovereign Prince of Monaco he probably could afford to keep so many lions and tigers (last I heard he had 11 tigers and 10 lions)

#4: Renee Schuls-Jacobson is a bok choy. She was born and raised alongside a soybean. And although her mum and papa told her he would just give her stomach trouble, she fell in love with him. No greater love had any leafy vegetable and legume. It was a love for the legends. After a long and happy life together (4 months to the day) they died in the farmer’s pot and were laid to rest on a plate. And these days, any old vegetable will tell you that bok choy and soybeans are strong allies.

#5:

August (also known as M102 of Ursa Major) is actually a time-traveller from 2710, warning us that if we continue our genetic modifications of plants and animals, the future looks bleak. So bleak she says people can’t even live on earth anymore, and that’s why she’s called August of M102.

#6:

Emilie G painted her house with Greek yogurt. The color is drab but the texture is remarkable, and her house was lauded as a major work of art in some mixed media art circles. It was also really popular with local goats, and word spread fast among them until she had a great crowd of goats admiring the creative paint.

#7:

Tameri has a rare genetic sensitivity to methane. It’s so severe that all beans, lentils, dairy products, garlic, scallions, rutabagas, sweet potatoes, & potatoes are banned from her town, not even carried in the grocery stores. Needless to say, the air there is quite pure . . . but the population has diminished.

#8:

Lancelot and his team of dogs made it from Homer, Alaska to Whitehorse, B.C., barely sleeping for the 10 day journey, surviving only on his Grandma Schaubert’s ciopinno frozen soup that he chipped cubes from to melt in his mouth. Why take such a drastic journey in drastic climate? His wife was in need of the medicine, of course. And he saved her life with it.

#9:

Jess Witkins loves cake. And when I say loves cake I mean her husband knows he comes second to red velvet cupcakes and her kids know they come second to cherry chocolate rum cake and even God himself knows he should never have invented German chocolate cake because it comes second to none.

#9:

Lynn has saved our planet three times in her life. Extraterrestrials will transport her through a portal and insist she bring them a precious substance or else they’ll invade our world. She always down what they ask . . . and gives them the precious jalapeños they’re after. Of course, they take her at any time, she must always be ready. Which is why she wears that jalapeño necklace.

#11:

Eden Baylee owns a food spa. She uses sponge toffee as exfoliant, dark chocolate as facial masques, cucumbers to cool the swelling in the eyes, olive oil to soften feet, and chocolate chip cookies for . . . well, the cookies are there just to eat. It’s a great place.

#12:

Eden Rebekah took a junk food tour of the world. She said if the food item had less than 1000 calories in it, she wouldn’t bother with it. She didn’t even gain a pound. Impossible, you say? Well, she didn’t gain anything because she ran over land and sailed in her sail boat to get from continent to continent.

Thanks so much for Marilag, and Howling Mad Heather for entering last week!

Want more stories?

Want more stories about YOU?

I hope so!

Tell yo wives, tell yo kids, tell your husbands, tell everybody.

A tall tale is waiting for them here.

What’s the theme this week? A shape! Tell me any shape and I’ll tell a tall tale featuring you and your shape.

 

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33 Comments

  1. Polyhedron – yep. Shapely post, Ellie :)

    Reply
  2. Cylinder – Awesome! Your imagination is second to none Ellie.

    Reply
  3. Psst…don’t tell anyone, but I saw Bok Choy Renee with soybean’s younger brother, Edamame. If word gets out, there would be quite the stir fry!

    Great post, Ellie, thanks for getting the word out about the “Fat” Mints!

    I’ve always liked the sound/spelling of the word rhombus. :D

    Reply
    • Kathy, I can’t believe you busted L’il Bok and Eda. That is bound to bring a scandal to the vegetable world.

      But I guess you also blew the roof off the “Fat Mints story, too.

      SO…

      Love this series. Thanks Ellie!

      May I please be a tetrahedron?

      Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  March 27, 2012

      consider the fry stirred, Kathy! *runs off to tell others*
      LoL.
      You’re totally gonna rock a tetrahedron, Renee!

      Reply
    • lynnkelleyauthor

       /  March 27, 2012

      This post is so darn funny, and so are the comments!

      Reply
    • This was hilarious! “Fat mint cookies” I totally had one of those moments where you’re reading along and I just busted out with this loud HA! Excellent tall tale!

      Reply
  4. Larry Enright

     /  March 27, 2012

    Have you ever seen a Mobius Strip? Me either. A nice guy like me doesn’t go to places like that, but that’s the shape I choose.

    Reply
  5. Maximus…the cake is a lie! Don’t eat it! Heh heh..,.great stuff, Ellie. What about a trapezoid? I want to trapezoid…I just need the right bait.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  March 27, 2012

      I think you should try a tiny diamond as bait, Zoids go nuts for diamonds.

      Reply
  6. Have you been peeking in my yarn drawer? That alpaca wool is divine.

    (Also, you have now inspired me to try making a red quinoa burger. But this time, I’ll share)

    Reply
    • Make it with non-GM ingredients and I’ll help you mass produce it, Amber. I see a headline in the future: Quinoa Burgers Save the World!

      Hmm, shapes. My dog’s head—thus her nickname, Pumpkin Head. Love these tales!

      Reply
      • On it. AA Burgers, here we come.

        Wait a sec…that doesn’t sound right…

        Reply
      • EllieAnn

         /  March 27, 2012

        Pumpkin head–is she orange? ;)
        Amber–so kind of you to share. Now we’ll all taste the perfection.

        Reply
  7. Somehow I got out of the Tall Tale Tuesday loop! These were great Ellie! I would especially love to stop by Eden Baylee’s Food Spa…yum…

    I have always dreamed of being a crescent shape!

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  March 27, 2012

      So glad you’re back in the loop! I love making up stories about you. hehe.

      Reply
  8. Brilliant! Thank you for the morning grins. And please pass the Fat Mint Cookies. Um, may I please be a triangle?

    Reply
  9. Wow, you’re imagination is truly exceptional!! I really enjoyed reading these stories. And I’d like to be “some kind of tube.”

    Reply
  10. Couldn’t stop laughing with the gases. :-) You make burgers out of quinoa? Jalapeno necklace could get itchy. The goats could be funny, too.

    For shapes, I love the pentagram shape.

    Reply
  11. Yet another great TTT. :)

    I’ve been avoiding throwing my name in the hat, to allow others a chance at the fun, but I miss being taled.

    Tesseract!

    Reply
  12. I love it Ellie! What a great place you’ve created for me, and I’d definitely just have cookies for guests!

    I like ovals,
    eden
    xoxo

    Reply
  13. Glad you included the photo of the lion and tiger. I like them. House cats, not so much.

    How about a parabola?

    Reply
  14. Great tales as always, Ellie!! :)

    Shape? Diamond.

    Reply
  15. lynnkelleyauthor

     /  March 27, 2012

    You’ve outdone yourself again, Ellie! I laughed out loud again. Yep, the “Fat Mint Cookies” is a hoot! And so logical! This post is making me sooooooo hungry. I think I’ll go look for something to eat that’s no less than 1,000 calories!

    A shape – gotta go with circle. Best shape on the planet!

    Reply
  16. That was YOU talking to my husband the other day. I knew he was up to something. Telling all my secrets to you… that man. Well, I guess since the secrets out I can let everything else blow. ;)

    I’ve always thought Greek Yogurt would make a darn fine spackle, never would I have thought to use it to paint. Great idea.

    Reply
  17. Sorry I’m late to the party. There was a fresh pan of confetti cake just lying on my counter and it goes second to no blog! :P

    Awesome post once more, Ellie! I’m so jealous of all of David’s palaces and wild cats.

    Reply
  18. Touché, Ellie Ann, touché.

    Shapes? I’ve got two right here in my back pocket. Their names?
    Hecatommyriagon and his brother…

    The dreaded MONOGON!

    I don’t pull out Hecatommyriagon’s brother too often though. Most people go into convulsions when they meet him.

    Reply

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