You’re back! So glad you’ve returned to read some crazy tales and try to decide which ones are taken from my past and which ones are taken from my imagination (tip: I had nothing to do with the prime rib incident).
And the winners of last week’s Tall Tale Tuesday lottery are:
K.B. Owen complained so loudly about Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies being false advertising that the Girl Scouts eventually changed the name to Fat Mint Cookies.
Amber West was so obsessed about her red quinoa burgers that she planted, gardened, and harvested her own quinoa at the peak of perfection. She waters the seeds with fresh mountain water she gathers on a mountain hike every morning, and she covers their stalked at night with little alpaca wool blankets she knits herself. After harvest, she lovingly creates the burgers. Since she began making them in ’09, she’s been so intensely worshipful of her amazing quinoa burgers she hasn’t even shared a bite with one other person. Is she just being greedy? Or are there more to the burgers than meets the eye?
David N Walker spoils his cats so much that all they’ll eat are blackened cajun medium-rare prime rib with a drizzle of maple syrup and a side of ground veal. If he wasn’t the Sovereign Prince of Monaco he probably could afford to keep so many lions and tigers (last I heard he had 11 tigers and 10 lions)
#4: Renee Schuls-Jacobson is a bok choy. She was born and raised alongside a soybean. And although her mum and papa told her he would just give her stomach trouble, she fell in love with him. No greater love had any leafy vegetable and legume. It was a love for the legends. After a long and happy life together (4 months to the day) they died in the farmer’s pot and were laid to rest on a plate. And these days, any old vegetable will tell you that bok choy and soybeans are strong allies.
August (also known as M102 of Ursa Major) is actually a time-traveller from 2710, warning us that if we continue our genetic modifications of plants and animals, the future looks bleak. So bleak she says people can’t even live on earth anymore, and that’s why she’s called August of M102.
Emilie G painted her house with Greek yogurt. The color is drab but the texture is remarkable, and her house was lauded as a major work of art in some mixed media art circles. It was also really popular with local goats, and word spread fast among them until she had a great crowd of goats admiring the creative paint.
Tameri has a rare genetic sensitivity to methane. It’s so severe that all beans, lentils, dairy products, garlic, scallions, rutabagas, sweet potatoes, & potatoes are banned from her town, not even carried in the grocery stores. Needless to say, the air there is quite pure . . . but the population has diminished.
Lancelot and his team of dogs made it from Homer, Alaska to Whitehorse, B.C., barely sleeping for the 10 day journey, surviving only on his Grandma Schaubert’s ciopinno frozen soup that he chipped cubes from to melt in his mouth. Why take such a drastic journey in drastic climate? His wife was in need of the medicine, of course. And he saved her life with it.
Jess Witkins loves cake. And when I say loves cake I mean her husband knows he comes second to red velvet cupcakes and her kids know they come second to cherry chocolate rum cake and even God himself knows he should never have invented German chocolate cake because it comes second to none.
Lynn has saved our planet three times in her life. Extraterrestrials will transport her through a portal and insist she bring them a precious substance or else they’ll invade our world. She always down what they ask . . . and gives them the precious jalapeños they’re after. Of course, they take her at any time, she must always be ready. Which is why she wears that jalapeño necklace.
Eden Baylee owns a food spa. She uses sponge toffee as exfoliant, dark chocolate as facial masques, cucumbers to cool the swelling in the eyes, olive oil to soften feet, and chocolate chip cookies for . . . well, the cookies are there just to eat. It’s a great place.
Eden Rebekah took a junk food tour of the world. She said if the food item had less than 1000 calories in it, she wouldn’t bother with it. She didn’t even gain a pound. Impossible, you say? Well, she didn’t gain anything because she ran over land and sailed in her sail boat to get from continent to continent.
Want more stories?
Want more stories about YOU?
I hope so!
Tell yo wives, tell yo kids, tell your husbands, tell everybody.
A tall tale is waiting for them here.
What’s the theme this week? A shape! Tell me any shape and I’ll tell a tall tale featuring you and your shape.