Triangles and Circles and Squares, oh my!
This week is all about the kind of shape you’re in. Or on. Or around. You get the gist.
The amazing lucky random winners of the Tall Tale Lottery are:
Everyone knows hexagons are the most mystical of all polygons. But no one knows of their balanced communion with the spirit world better than Naomi A Jones, who is a hexagonolygist (professional scholar of hexagons) and has discovered how to travel through space and time by drawing hexagons on ice with butterfly dust. She’s more than happy to use her knowledge to good use, and will let you travel by hexagon for a small fee. However, don’t get on her wrong side because if she draws the hexagon with honeybee dust it’ll take you to the exact opposite part of the world than you want.
JRD Skinner‘s family thought he’d abandoned him. One day he went out for a walk in the West Texas sandhills and he never returned. The authorities found his motorcycle at a West Coast seaside port, so the police assumed he ran off to be a pirate. However, his son knows him well enough to know he’d never be comfortable with all that pillaging and raping, and what’s more, a hovering tesseract was seen in the sandhills the same day Skinner disappeared. What do tesseracts and sand and west seacoast have to do with an upstanding man’s disappearance? I have full hope his son will find out one day.
El is the Egyptian princess who was brilliant at mathematics and her sister, Petra, was brilliant at mechanics and her daughter, Jira, was brilliant at chemistry and together they figured out ways to speak to peoples from other worlds by building huge triangle shaped buildings and filling them full of chemicals that, when combined, produced the heat of a small sun and the energy was used for their transmitter.
Howling Mad Heather discovered that the shape of our known universe is a trapezoid. How did I know this? Because she is the demigoddess that controls what we mortals call “the Bermuda triangle,” which is her boundary in this plane and she likes to toy with anyone who trepasses. Though when asks about it, all she replied is, “it’d be more accurate to call this the Bermuda trapezoid,” and mentions none of the mischief she wrecks there.
Susie, the woman with a crescent tattooed on her forehead, rides a crescent shaped fishing boat and only fishes under the light of a crescent moon. She claims that every fish she catches has a gold dabloon in their mouth, and, after she retrieves it she lets the fishies go. I wouldn’t believe her except for the fact she just bought a high-rise apartment building in Dubai.
Speaking of fishing, Tameri challenged the twelve man Japanese Ninja fishing fleet to a deep sea fishing competition. Is she crazy? The only help she had was a monkey named Marjory. Whoever caught the heaviest fish within twelve hours, won.
The competition seemed like a joke when the Japanese fishing fleet reeled in fish after fish so massive they could feed an entire village, and all Tameri did was make strange sounds in the water with a snorkel. However, with 12 minutes left on the clock a huge whale jumped out of the water and landed in Tameri’s lap.
“Curses be upon you!” the ninjas called, shaking their fish at her, “we didn’t know you spoke whale!”
K.B. Owen plays a violin shaped like a rhombus, called a rhombolin. It produces sounds so mesmerizing it will put anyone to sleep. She often uses her music to create peace in discordant territories, and is called “the insomniacs savior.”
I think Bale could do with a little rhombolin music.
Lynn was the metalworker who designed the Spartan’s brilliant shield, effectively making them the deadliest warrior of the ancient world. She is also credited for designing their short leather “shorts,” and when the soldiers voiced embarrassment she told them, “nothin’ wrong with shown’ a little skin.”
(chanting) “We want leather skirts! We want leather skirts! We want leather skirts!”
August, the Nubian princess, and her faithful dog, affectionately called Punkin’ Head, were paraded down the streets of Rome and forced to fight against the brutal lords of death, the Gladiators. Her weapon of choice was the javelin and whip. After winning battle after battle, she won the favor of the people, and she and Punkin’ Head were given the wooden sword of freedom. She made her way back to Nubia, where she tries to overcome the horror of her captivity through a lot of rest and meditation.
Catherine perfected cylinder travel, a way to go from A to B in 12 minutes, no matter the distance. The only downfall: you can’t wear anything while you’re in the cylinder, so I suggest having a change of clothes ready at location B.
Larry makes mobius strip joints in every major planet, where he sells illicit paraphanalia from bygone eras, before the Capitol Empire Skynet BuynLarge took over the world. He sells ancient articles such as CDs, PC Computers, Televisions, and some even say he has a book (made out of paper) on hand (though you’d never be able to afford it).
You’ll need a password to enter Larry’s mobius strip joint.
Gene is the awesome one who invented a ball game with a polyhedron. It involves hover boards, slingshots, tubes, and paper cranes. It’s compared to “ice hockey in the air with complex algebra. It’s very popular with athletes who are also good at math. Oh, wait…”
So you want more? I hope so! I still have thousands of tall tales up this rather huge sleeve of mine. Plenty of yarns left to spin.
So just leave a comment below with a random word that comes to mind, and you’ll be entered to win a tall tale!