Tall Tale Tuesday: That Was Random

Howdy Cowgirls and Cowboys. There’s a snake in my boots! Sometimes randomness is appropriate and giggle inducing. Other times it’s hippopautomaus.

So here are the 12 cowpokes who won the lottery from last week. They were very lucky. Even though just a dozen people signed up for it, all twelve of them won!

Susie’s parents were trying to set a record for traveling across the world the fastest in a hang glider dressed as clowns. They kept her in a little bassinet, as she was just a wee babe. They accidentally left her at their stop in India, and she crawled seven miles into the jungle until she found another proper home–with a kind family of Bengal Tigers. They raised her as their own until Susie’s biological family came back and found her. The custody battle is still going on.

Remember the great mafia feud of 1915 Russia, between the cunning Skinners and the brutal Argwalla’s? It was the largest, privately funded war in history. One day, JRD Skinner (Old Man Skinner’s favorite grandson) was arrested and put in a room with Rusty Argwalla (Old Man Argwalla’s favorite nephew). After a few tough boxing matches, and after secretly reading each other’s journals for a few weeks, they discovered that the other men were actually human and began to treat each other as such. The war ended 10 days later.

Every time a mirror is fractured, El has the choice to return to the alternate reality from whence she came, or continue the life she’s made for herself here. Every time she refuses to go back the people over there grow angrier and angrier, and she grows more content with what she’s made.

Lynn Kelley is a mermaid measuring 1 inch in height. Her official job is to map out underwater springs, though her parents were furious when she accepted it because it was so dangerous. If they only knew her other job was to categorize all the sharks that dwell on the bottom of all the oceans. When asked if she likes sharks she just shrugged and said they smell like mothballs.

Howling Mad Heather hosted one of the most famous Antidisestablishmentarianism protest when she kidnaped every Senator’s cars (or several cars, depending how many they owned) and then pushed each off them off of the HOLLYWOOD sign.

Tiffany A White is the most facetious of all artists, for just when her fans fall in love with her art, she’ll change art forms. Last month she was a comic artist and this week she’s a novel writer. Looking forward to her debut novel, and I’m wondering what she’ll try next!

August is immune to all bee stings, snake bites, and spider bites. How did she win this feat? But being stung and bit every week. Why would she do such a thing? Because she’s deathly afraid of bees, snakes, and spiders and her psychologist told her it’d be good for it. I wouldn’t recommend that psychiatrist to ANYONE, and asked August to fire him IMMEDIATELY,  at least August doesn’t have anything to fear from those animals anymore.

Eden Lang is a perspicacious musician, having natural talent and a perfect pitch and a billionaire who’s able to buy any instrument she wants in order to get proficient at them all. Her golden harp is something else, but doesn’t even compared to her pipe organ as tall as the Statue of Liberty.

Full of magnanimity and verisimilitude, Sir David Walker, aka, The Red Knight, roved the countryside of ancient Europe, freeing slaves, slaying dragons, rescuing damsels, and clearing out the Great Big Enchanted and Evil Forest of all the evil in it.

Gene was the President of a prestigious school of warriors on the planet Providence. He only accepted three dozen students every twelve years. And he only accepts toddlers into his school, because he says, “the most formative time in a child’s life is when they’re first learning how to learn.”

Providence

Some people claim aliens, some people claim lost technology, some people claim it was magic. But in the antediluvian period of the earth, many great things were accomplished by man that we cannot even replicate with our technology today. But in a poem by Lancelot, during that time, he claims it was because we could speak to the two people God walked hand in hand with.

Marilag was the child of the prophecy, with a birthmark the shape of a star on her neck. The dwarves protected her under the ground until the storms of Odin’s wrath subsided, and when she was there they trained her in their ways. Next, the handed her over to the elves, who kept her high in the trees and trained her as a warrior when Odin swept through the ocean and the crust of the earth, destroying all in his path. And then man had her when Odin terrorized the skies and the trees, bringing the great dark on the land. It was during this time when Marilag stayed with Mankind, and they taught her the history of what was and taught her logic and invention.

By this time, Odin should have been running from her. But as everyone knows, Odin underestimates everyone. He will not make that mistake again, as he is jelly underneath Marilag’s mighty hammer.

Okay, that was fun. Let’s do it again! And again! And again until we finally get sick of it!

Please leave a comment so you can be put in the super exclusive raffle tickets only given to those who leave comments. This is like Willy Wanka’s golden ticket raffle except digital. And with less chocolate.

Speaking of chocolate, name a kind of plant in the comments and I’ll feature it in your tall tale!

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37 Comments

  1. This is remarkable, Ellie! Tumbleweed ;)

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  April 24, 2012

      There are tons of tumbleweeds around here, can’t wait to make up a story with one in it!

      Reply
  2. I always knew I was adopted….These are great Ellie! You have such a wild imagination. :)
    Poison Ivy

    Reply
  3. I’m loving all the fantasy elements in this week’s TTT!

    Reply
  4. I think it was their discovery of a mutual love of kittens that really finally quieted things down.

    Very fun, as always.

    Cactus!

    Reply
  5. Coleen Patrick

     /  April 24, 2012

    How about a Chia pet! :)

    Reply
  6. Woah. How did you know I’m immune to certain bugs? Seriously, I’m from Minnesota and have never been bitten (or had a reaction—not sure which) to mosquitos. Guess my blood isn’t good bug food.

    LOVE this post, Ellie Ann, and your whole tall tale series. And sheesh. That tiger photo is gorgeous!

    Reply
  7. Interesting direction on that one. Did you know Middle Earth is actually Earth in the antediluvian period? For Tolkien there was Earth, Middle Earth and Latter Earth.

    Plant: Bloodroot.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  April 24, 2012

      Middle earth? Cool! Totally surprises me, though. I’d think Narnia would be closer, talking animals and all that.

      Reply
      • Narnia and Middle Earth may have been inspired by discussions that Tolkien and Lewis had together. They were good friends.

        Oh, and your “unknown-1″ picture is something called the Garden of Eden (pictures like that really call out to me).

        PS: first “Tall Tales” I’ve seen of yours… These were a hoot!

        Can I still name a plant as a newcomer? horsetails

        Reply
      • yeah, he wrote it assuming he stumbled upon these accent elven and dwarven manuscripts and, of course as a philologist, he decoded them.

        Reply
  8. prudencemacleod

     /  April 24, 2012

    Wow fun stuff. Loved the stories; I do hope the ancient warriors kept a supply of Aloe for the cuts and bruises though.

    Reply
  9. OMG, this is so crazy-coincidental. I wrote about healing despite the broken fragments of my past this morning. And now this! LOL! Thank you so much for including me in your (as always) brilliant post.

    Reply
  10. Growing up in West Texas, I’d be remiss to not mention the Mesquite Trees (ah-hem, or bushes). :) But having since moved to the Dallas area, I love me a Magnolia Tree like no other….

    Reply
  11. But those are the deadliest toddlers in existence once I’m done training them…

    Hm, plants, having just transplanted these all around my yard – ferns.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  April 24, 2012

      I’m sure they are, Gene. I don’t doubt your skills. And ferns are my favorite plant!

      Reply
  12. lynnkelleyauthor

     /  April 24, 2012

    I love the surprise ending with the mothballs. Made me laugh out loud, it was so unexpected. You are truly a wiz with fantasy and random fun! How about a rubber tree plant?

    Reply
  13. I didn’t know sharks smelled like mothballs! (I didn’t know you can smell under the ocean, either, LOL). Lynn Kelley is one brave gal! Another fun Tall Tale, Ellie!

    My plant: Firethorn (or Pyracantha, if you prefer Latin). Pretty berries, and I just love the name. :D

    Reply
  14. Now that I’ve finished clearing the forest of evil, I’ve discovered a bunch of chimpanzees (is that a herd or covey or what?) distraught because they can’t climb the Monkey Puzzle Tree.

    Reply
  15. I needed a good laugh on a hellish Tuesday, Ellie, and you always know how to deliver. Thanks! Hmmm…I’m not much into plants, but always did like the Venus flytrap (Feeeeed me, Seymour!)

    Reply
  16. You know I love these, even if I don’t make the Top 10. Um, can I have a Venus Fly Trap? ;-)

    Reply
  17. Duh! I see Heather right above me asked for that. *reads comments* How about a dandelion?

    Reply
  18. The bee stings story was interesting. I wonder how many times they rushed August to the hospital. :-) The tiger story was good, too. I’m sure Suzie was cute and cuddly as a kid. I’d love to receive instructions about fighting from Gene. :-)

    As for plants, fortune plant. :-)

    Reply
  19. Eden Rebekah

     /  April 29, 2012

    i always wanted to play a instrument.
    Venus fly trap!

    Reply

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