INTRODUCING the winners of last Tall Tale Tuesday’s lottery!
The lucky twelve:
#1: David N. Walker makes monkey puzzles out of monkey puzzle trees. His puzzles are getting trickier and trickier, as the apes are more intelligent with every puzzle they finish. They’re even able to solve Rubiks cubes in less than 4 minutes. Does that make them smarter than me? (don’t answer that)
#2: When Tiffany A. White learned that mesquite bushes’ roots span miles and miles, she sent a hurricane blast of wind over a mesquite tree field, and the earth around the roots blew away until it revealed the labyrinth of roots, in which she made into a nature preserve for her pet praying mantis. Signs all over the field say, “NO BULLFROGS ALLOWED.”
#3 & #4: Never forget the day the sentient venus fly traps rose from the center of the earth and started feeding on humanity. Never forget how Eden Rebekah and Howlin’ Mad Heather took a jet plane and a bomb of the most powerful herbicide, 2,4-dichlorophenoxy acetic acid, and flew down the cavern, never to be seen again. Never forget they are the reason you are alive today.
#5: The demi-goddess Coleen was given an adorable chia pet for her 704th birthday from her dad, Hermes. She named her pet The Himilayas. It’s so old now, it has white hair.
What a cute pet!
#6: Susie Lindau was the first of them, the Poison Ivies. She’s the one who wrote the manual on seduction and fatal kisses and how-to-stay-away-from-men-you-like-so-you-won’t-kill-them. It’s rumored she was the mentor for the most famous Poison Ivy of them all, Pamela Isley, the villain who fought Batman.
#7: Eden has a house made of horsetails. She lives in the candy cane forest, just south of molasses swamp. She used to live in the candy castle with her brother, King Kandy, but she got cavities and diabetes from all the second-hand sugar dust in the air so now she lives alone.
#8: August, who is an Egyptian crocodile hunter, decided to take an adventurous trip to New York City area. She kayaked down Niagara Falls, parachuted off the Empire State Building, and went deep sea fishing for sharks. When asked what the scariest part of her trip was, she replied, “the taxi cab ride from the airport.”
#9: JRD Skinner survives off cactus. He makes food, shelter, and clothes from the prickly plants. He’s been living in the Sonoran Desert for three years now, his only contact with the outside world is his iMac computer and wireless internet connection. When asked why he’d do such a thing, he replied, “because my aunt told me, ‘no one could survive off cactus’ so I had to prove her wrong.”
#10: Marilag, the Native American princess, doesn’t weave cloth she weaves fortune plants. She doesn’t mold clay pots she molds clouds. And she doesn’t carve wood she carves mountains.
#11: Renee, the super popular pop singer brought dandelions back into fashion when she wore a dress to the Emmys that was made entirely out of dandelions.
#12: Tameri owns a seed shop. She sells seeds of hope, seeds of diamond in the rough, seeds of spontaneous joy, seeds of witty comebacks, and seeds of magnanimity. But that’s not all. In the back alley she also sells seeds of agony, seeds of rage, and seeds of spontaneous bowel movements. Yeah. You want to stay on her good side.
Well that was fun!
Next time we have Tall Tales, SPECIAL EDITION. So hang on to your hats!