Tall Tale Tuesday: Your Turn

Your brilliant.

Ahem. haha. Oops. I mean…

You’re brilliant!

I believe that from the bottom of my heart. Even you in the back with orange Cheeto fingerprints on your shirt. You all have a story to tell and a huge imagination. Yes, even you who organizes your freezer food in alphabetical order and uses umbrellas during perfectly healthy rainstorms.

So now it’s your turn!

I’m going to give you a topic, and you make up a tall tale for it.

Of course, to start out you need a name:


(this is not an actual picture of Sailor Sim. Sailor Sim might be a girl. Or a baby rhino. It’s up to you what Sailor Sim becomes)

Now you DON’T need any boundaries, for what else are tall tales for than to let your imagination soar out of the coral?

But if your imagination wants a little kick in the pants, here’s a topic for you:


My three favorite tall tales win an award!

I’ll send you personal letter to your home or RV park with a handwritten tall tale about you, as thanks for your wonderfully entertaining tale.

The winners will be announced next Tall Tale Tuesday. This contest is also open until next Tall Tale Tuesday (in 14 days time). But please keep the tales concise.

Now create! Tell a tale! Make up lies! Entertain us!

Tell me a story:

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  1. How should we send them to you? Sounds like fun!

  2. How concise is concise?

    • EllieAnn

       /  May 22, 2012

      Excellent question! =) I consider a paragraph concise.

  3. well this sounds like fun! I was going to go to bed, but this may just take preference. I shall post a reply in a a little while-and if i don’t it means i have fallen asleep at the job. sorry in advance if that is what happens!

  4. In a small dark room an old figure sat with head bent over a strange object he was working on. Thin beams of moonlight filtered through pokey, round windows on either side of the man, illuminating certain features of his aging face. His wrinkled skin was accentuated by the highlights formed from moonlight and his long silver beard shone magestically. Yet it was his eyes that the light picked out the best-two vivid pearls of eyes that stared intently at his creation. The room rocked gently from side to side, water lapping gently against the walls of the old man’s floating home. This motion suddenly became stronger and part of the old sailor’s creation rolled off the table and landed with a thud on the floor, before rolling off away from where it fell. For a brief moment as it passed through one of the moonbeams it could be seen what it was…a carrot? As he stood from his creaking chair to pick up the escaped carrot, his work upon the table was revealed…The old sailor was carving vegetables! A different carrot sat on the table, hollowed out and with holes added to create a small musical instrument-whether it would work or not was another question. It seems a lonely life at sea does truely drive you mad.

    • EllieAnn

       /  May 22, 2012

      musical carrots! I love it! So glad you didn’t fall asleep because this story is GOOD. =)

  5. Sailor Sim was never a slim man. In 1786 he became lost in a tempest off the coast of Bora Bora and what started out as a pleasure cruise for coconuts became a life or death struggle as his ship, the “Boreal Broccoli,” washed ashore on the remote atoll of Notgonnaeatmypeas. There, Sim discovered the natives annually sacrificing an unlucky villager to the gods so that they might enjoy eating the local veggies a little more. Luckily Sim, a true epicure, used his ingenuity to melt his ship’s cheese rations over a fire and make the greens more palatable. The natives, in gratitude, helped repair Sim’s ship and ate their veggies happily. They also changed their island’s name to Nomnomnompeas.

    • EllieAnn

       /  May 22, 2012

      rather brilliant of Sim to add cheese to the vegetables! No wonder I’ve heard his story from the locals of nomnomnompeas, He’s a LEGEND!
      Such a fun story, Heather!

  6. JannyB

     /  May 24, 2012

    Aloha Ellie,

    Sailors are very superstitious people. Matter of fact, they think bananas on boats bring bad luck.

    “You’re telling me that an octopus just found a banana floating around and threw it on your boat?”
    “I swear, Sailor Sim, it was the craziest thing I ever saw.”
    Crazy Octopus. That’s what Sailor Sim called it, for eight years. Crazy Octopus.
    And, it’s always in this cove that it troughs bad luck bananas on boats. No one knows why, and no one alive has found it.
    This poor sucker just got ‘banana’d’.
    “No one’s going to believe me,” the poor sucker said.
    “If anyone around you is left standing, they might.”
    “Shit, shit, shit, I loved my boat. It teased me to follow it. I didn’t see it coming, bam, reef tore a hole and it sank in minutes.”
    Poor sucker, anyone sober would worry about things going badly. But, Sailor Sim stands watch. He doesn’t rely on luck for help.
    He looked over the side to see the Crazy Octopus snooping around and wrecking havoc on the sunken boat. It was mad, bad, and dangerous.
    Sailor Sim leaned into his cabin and came out with a loaded spear gun.
    “Well now, your long sail is over ’cause down in the drink, my treasure map is written in Octopus ink.”

  7. kevinrhaggerty

     /  May 24, 2012

    Sailor Sim was a simple man. He enjoyed being out on his boat, as well as kicking his feet back on his favorite ottoman, while reclined in his favorite leather recliner. There were few things that really rattled his cage, save for one thing: carrots.

    Sim hated carrots, and with good reason. When Sim was but the tender age of 11, carrots murdered Sim’s parents.

    It was a night he’d never forget. Sim and his parents had just returned home after an extended vacation in the Virgin Islands, when they stumbled upon their house being robbed. The culprits were none other than a band of wild and rebellious carrots. As the family entered into their home, they were shocked to see the carrots rifling through drawers and carrying as many valuables as their leafy green stems could manage.

    Sim’s father acted quickly, making a dash for the fireplace, over which his shotgun always hung. As he sprinted toward the hearth, the band of carrots were alerted to his presence and his intentions.

    It was at that fateful moment that the lead carrot in charge grabbed a steak knife out of the utensil drawer, and lobbed it, end over end, in the direction of Sim’s father. The expert marksman had acquired his target. The steak knife sunk into Sim’s father’s back, and he was dead before he even his the floor.

    Sim’s mother resorted to instinct and stood in front of her son, looking to protect him from the murderous ne’er-do-wells who sought to overtake them.

    The noble gesture proved to be her last, as the carrots were upon her in a split second.

    “Run!” she bellowed to her young, quivering son.

    And run he did. He ran for miles. He ran till his short legs ached. He ran until he could run no farther and then he ran some more. Finally Sim, fell to the ground, completely exhausted and lacking the strength to continue another inch. He was resigned to his fate, whatever that may be.

    When Sim awoke, he was surrounded by a crowd of “Men of the Sea.” They had heard of the events of the night before and felt pity for the boy. They took him in as one of their own and showed Sim how to be a proper sailor.

    Sim is now an old man. Time has covered his wounds and he has moved on. But he’ll never forget the day that his parents gave up their lives, in his stead, to a gang of violent carrots.

    • EllieAnn

       /  May 24, 2012

      A tragic tale well told. I can’t say I’m surprised at the horrendous acts those heinous carrots committed. The best we can hope for is for them to just leaf us alone.

      • kevinrhaggerty

         /  May 24, 2012

        And ORANGE you glad Sims made it out alive? har har.


  8. jay holmes

     /  May 25, 2012

    Warning: The following story contains material only suitable for adults (sappy sentimental old people).

    Sailor Sim and the Curse of the Blood Diamonds

    Sailor Sim stood at the helm of his thirty year old steam freighter as the old Ann Marie struggled to maintain head way into the vicious northwesterly wind and the massive waves that the merciless wind created. His most reliable helmsman had collapsed in exhaustion an hour ago and for the first time in all his years of sailing Sim began to pray aloud as he fought the willful helm with all his might.

    Sim prayed that the he and his cargo of tangerines would survive long enough to make port in Saint John’s. Sim had made many a journey across the Atlantic and this was to have been his last. The blood diamonds that he and his 1st mate had skilfully swindled from the corrupt customs agent in Sierra Leon would ensure a warm comfortable retirement and endless visits to the best houses of Montreal’s red light district. Sim had spent many a night dreaming of giant stacks of pancakes covered with the best maple syrup served by doting affectionate hostesses on silver platters.

    Now years of planing and a lifetime of braving the seas might come to nothing more than a cold watery grave on this dark winter night. Would anyone even morn him? Would the women that shared the warmest moments of his reckless life even notice he was gone?

    Sim screamed in his loudest voice “God saaaaaaaave me…” but couldn’t quite imagine salvation. Just as he abandoned all hope warm hands reached down from the heavens and swept him up out of the storm.

    Sim found himself once again in his mothers warm embrace, protected from the storm by a heavenly fresh clean towel and his mother’s capable arms. It seems that God Almighty had indeed heard his prayers and had sent his angelic mother and his two oldest sisters to sort out the storm in the bathtub and stop the flow of water that had seeped under the bathroom door.

    “Daniel, what a mess you made!” scolded his mother. “Sorry mommy the wind was blowing and my ship almost sank!” replied the two year old in his most convincing concerned voice. “I’ll sink your ship alright!” chimed in his thirteen year old sister.

    While his older sisters were hard at work cleaning up the bathroom Sailor Sim was safely asleep in his warm bed dreaming of his next great adventure. His sisters dreamed of the day when he would be old enough to clean up the disasters that he seemed to delight in creating. They had warned their mother repeatedly against the notion of having a son but their parents had ignored their warnings and brought this bundle of boy trouble into their previously calm orderly world.

    After cleaning the bathroom the girls checked to be sure that the little trouble maker was indeed asleep and could cause no further damage for the night. One look at his innocent looking sleeping face caused them to loose their anger. They both sighed and giggled a bit and returned to the calm pleasures of their “he’s asleep now” peaceful evening life.

    • EllieAnn

       /  May 25, 2012

      Now THAT’S a story! I really enjoyed it, you brought a huge smile to my face. You’re a wonderful writer.

  9. This will be meta, but no one will probably get it:

    Lord Jim stepped up to the podium.
    “Please state your name for the court,” said the judge.
    “Lord Jim.”
    “Jim, when did you meet Sailor Sim?” the lawyer asked.
    “I was a’walking along the pier and came across this bearded old man. I asks a small child who it was and the child said, ‘That’s Sailor Sim. He was the one who found the way through the sea.’ ‘What way?’ I asks him. ‘The under-the-watercourse course. The river that runs under the sea. He was the one that sailed on the river that runs through a tunnel of water. He sailed the river all the way to the end and found the treasure at the end.’ ‘What was the treasure?’ I asks. ‘A pineapple,’ the kid says. ‘That it?’ I asks. ‘Nah,’ the kid says. ‘He lifted his pineapple up into the air and said, “Eureka! At long last!”‘”

    “No further questions, your honor.”

    • EllieAnn

       /  June 2, 2012

      FANtastic. I really love it! Especially the line, “He was the one who found the way through the sea.” Cool! I’m not sure what you mean by meta, so maybe I didn’t get the full scope of the tale, but I enjoyed it.

      • “Meta” is any self-referrential thing. A story where the characters are aware that they’re inside a story, for instance. Check out more here.

        In this case, it’s meta not only because it’s story-in-story, but because it’s also making fun of Lord Jim, a long British novel that takes place in a courtroom and was notorious for quotes within quotes within quotes. At one point, it has quad-embedded quotes. Terrible. And kind of creative too.

        Anyway, there’s your Lancelot-overthought-the-challenge for the day.

      • PS> Four good examples of meta lit:

        1. The Bible — the characters know they’re a part of a bigger narrative.
        2. The Name of the Wind (which borrows from the Arabian Nights) — Story-within-story told by Narrator who doesn’t trust stories and lies frequently
        3. Breakfast of Champions — Kurt Vonnegut shows up as a character, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE of his characters
        4. Vonnugut’s poem in Schlauchten Funf

        My name is Yon Yonson
        I work in Wisconsin
        I work in a lumber mill there.
        The people I meet when I walk down the street
        They ask, “What’s your name?”
        And I say, “My name is Yon Yonson, I work in Wisconsin…”

        5. The Dark Tower — The book “The Dark Tower” is in The Dark Tower

        specifically for meta lit, go here.

  10. I missed this one, drats! Sailor Sim works sells fruits and vegetables and is tired of his life. Finally, he decided that he had it. He made a boat from the emptied out watermelon skin (don’t remember what it’s called) tied with strings made of lettuce. He made successfully made it float. Then, he went to the ocean. He didn’t make it past the fifty feet mark. A whale got so hungry with Sailor Sim’s creation, that it ate the boat.


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