Well folks, the comments from last week have been discombobulated, hit on the head with a mallet, and thrown into a hurricane so they’re sufficiently randomized.
Now let me introduce you to the winning dozen:
#1: MJ Monaghan went to Kiribati and was turned into a monkey. Since then, he’s regularly blogged about the dangers of traveling to Kiribati, and posts terrible reviews of the place in Travel magazines.
“Looks like you’ve been to Kiribati lately, eh?”
#2: El, the famous cooking show personality, uses her old Barbies as kabob skewers for she says the plastic gives it “a full, smoky flavor.” That’s where the Australian saying, Throw another shrimp on the barbie, comes from.
#3: Lancelot has been brainwashed in the bowels of the Witch’s Castle in Ivria. It is said she uses snake eyes and Mermaid’s song, though no one who has been brainwashed by her has lived to tell the tale. Except one. The first time Lancelot remembered his name was the day the Mermaid felt remorse for her actions and sang a different tune. He got away. She didn’t. But that is the way of the world.
#4: Lower Slobbovia, despite popular references, is actually the most technologically developed country. Or, was. Slobbovians no longer live on this planet anymore. Except one. David N Walker was asked to stay and continue to spread rumors of their backwardness. He’s been a success.
#5: Domestic Goddess enjoys doing jazz dancing routines on the wings of planes over her hometown of Bagan, Myanmar. After her show, she drops skittles on her adoring crowd.
#6: K.B. Owen is a raspberry from the Southern Raspberry Sunshine Mountain, who successfully ended the war with the cream giants of the Northern Moonshine Valley by tearing down the Great Chocolate War that stood between them. Now, they are the best of friends.
#7: Gene climbed the cliffs of insanity, battle a giant throwing boulders, sword fought one of the best swordsmen of the century, and outwitted a crafty Cicilian to the death . . . all for a Klondike bar!
#8: JRD Skinner is the man from Liechtenstein who ate 47 raspberry and cream tarts in a row. His mother told him it would give him an apocalyptic stomachache. And she was right.
(yummy raspberry tart recipe)
#9: Susie saw a star fall from the sky. She tracked atop her Pegasus, using her Stardust Tracker 2000 all the way to Phillipines. When she discovered it was not just a star, but a very attractive young man star she immediately set about to protect him from the whiles of this sinful world. She was also happy to discover that a starkiss brought eternal youth. They’ve been living quite happily on their own private island for the past thousand years.
Maybe Stephanie Meyers got Stars and Vampire’s attributes confused.
#10: Kim was the most famous Mountaineer in the age of mountaineers and she could fell three trees with one swing and wrestle a grizzly into submission in 2 minutes flat and jumps of waterfalls for fun. You can read about her adventures in her memoir, Paul Bunyan’s Tales (she went by a pseudonym.)
#11: Marilag is the goddess of Trinidad. She watches over it with care and loving, sending rain and sun and wind in form. She requires very little in return. Only gold pieces tossed to the wind ever Sunday and silver candles lit in her honor every Monday and a big dance every Tuesday and wine drunk in her honor every Wednesday. The people are more than happy to comply.
#12: Tameri didn’t just tightrope over Niagra falls. Not satisfactory enough for her, she then flew to Zimbabwe and tightroped across the Victorian Falls. A job well done, too!
So there you have it, folkies. Tall tales for your reading pleasure.
IF (and I mean when) you want to participate in NEXT tall tale tuesday, simply leave a random word in the comments. And I want total picked-out-of-the-hurrican randomness. :)