Tall Tale Tuesday: That’s Not Random Hippopotamus

You’re back for more, ye scurvy sea rats?

Excellent. I have uses for you.

You’re fodder for my Tall Tale Tuesdays! And no one is safe from my lies. The first 12 to walk the plank, er . . . I mean, the twelve commenters who are in the spotlight this week are:

#1: Heather Bumbershoot is actually the person who invented the bumbershoot, which is a recorder of bird calls and a shooter of bumbers. Bumbers are pictures. So, the bumbershoot actually turned out being a camera with a recording device in it. Which is a lot cooler than a camera.

A bumbographer

#2: Jess own a UFO/combine which is so big it’s used as a barn at night. She likes to create quite a din by sucking up her farm cows with her tractor beam in the dead of night, and depositing them willy nilly in the streets of L.A.

Jess creating a din

#3: Marilag is a bodybuilder that survives only on peanuts and Hershey’s candy bars. She wasn’t getting enough calories so she added Nutty Bars to the mix.

Female body builders. Just like body builders. Except female.

#4: August fought beside Aragorn in the battle of Pelennor fields, King Peter in the fight with the White Witch, and Ender Wiggin during the xenocide. After that she just sat in her Tardis and spent a few hundred years in meditation.

#5: K.B. Owen is the most famous author in the northern quadrant of the milky way. She’s very particular, however, and writes longhand using only ostrich feathers for quills and blackberry ink while sitting on a tightrope over a waterfall. Needless to say, her books are also very short.

#6: AuthorAshley only wears purple spandex and black aviator sunglasses. No matter what, no matter where, it’s her only outfit. It got kind of awkward when she wore as she ran a marathon in the morning then went to her cousin’s funeral that night. Especially since she only has one pair of clothes.

#7: Eden can miniaturize anything with her shrink gun. This of course makes her a master thief, and now she’s the mistress of many castles. And many landmarks (the mini Stonehenge holds up her dining room table). And for her bathroom? She has a miniature Victoria Falls with a withy forest outside the window. It’s the most lovely place to go pee.

#8: JRD Skinner prophecies the impending demise of the galactic hegemony. But since he was the intergalactic court jester, everyone thought his jokes were for naught. But they learned to take him seriously very quickly. Especially since the smoking gun that took the hegemony down was in his hand.

#9: Goddess taught all mankind to love each other by teaching them about sacrifice. And getting sufficient sleep. And staying humble. And looking at yourself in the mirror instead of showing others their flaws. And when I say “mankind” I really mean her husband.

#10: Susie memorized the entire Holy Bible and the entirety of Shakespeare’s works. But she can’t seem to remember where to put her keys, but has a thousand witty comebacks if you dare to make fun of her for it.

#11: Kim doesn’t only know how to blow the biggest bubble, she does it while unicycling on a tight rope fifteen feet in the air! And she does it while wearing a granny suit, which provides all kinds of abderianity and jocularity in her audiences.

#12: Gene is a hot air balloon chauffeur and he travels with Eluvium all over the world.

Thanks to Lancelot, Tameri, MJ, Larry Enright, David, Catherine, and Riffa

Well that ye are, sea rats.

Don’t even think about jumping ship or I’ll throw ye in first. *rattles hook*

But if ye want to join in the tales next week then just leave your nickname in the comments.

Now give me that horizon!

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19 Comments

  1. See I knew the guy from Up could have floated a bigger house.

    Nickname: Hmm, okay, my original one was Flash. No, not the guy in the red suit and nothing perverse, I was just fast on foot and fast to answer.

    Reply
  2. They get even better, these are wonderful. I really like the Shakespeare one.

    Reply
  3. Arrrr….another tall tale from me favorite pirate-speakin’ land-lubber, Ellie Ann! You seem to be fond o’ the plank – I mean, tightrope – arrr….

    Susie and I should collaborate on tightrope-unicycling while writing our mini-novels!

    Thanks, Ellie!

    I’ll skip the nickname, and give other peeps a chance to be included next time.

    Reply
  4. Sorry. Never had a nickname. Does that disqualify me?

    Reply
  5. Losing my keys is so true, but I can only paraphrase the Bible. And Shakespeare? Well “to be or not to be” is about it! Hahahaa! Another great Tall Tale Ellie!
    Susie Slicer (from tennis!)

    Reply
  6. The smoking gun was only in my hand because you shouted, “Catch!”

    Also, I thought a bumbographer was something ENTIRELY different.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  July 3, 2012

      maybe now you’ll learn not to catch everything people tell you to. ;)

      Reply
  7. I hope my meditation allows me to read Kathy’s books and your posts! Oh, and I’ll also need some Hershey’s. Another awesome installment, Ellie Ann. Keep ‘em coming!

    Reply
  8. The cool thing for me is to consistently discover new bloggers. I’ll be following Eden now on WP.

    Reply
  9. Eden Rebekah

     /  July 3, 2012

    i don’t have any cool nicknames. Why don’t you give me one?

    Reply
  10. I want to hear a witty comeback from Susie!

    Reply
  11. So so fun! I was reading the bumbershoot one thinking it was totally real the remembered I was with the scurvy rats this week. Ah, you got me! These were all so great.

    Nickname? Tiara. Seriously, it’s my middle name, just as MJ.

    Reply
  12. Nickname? Mari. My favorite tale? the one with the evil white witch. That’s like fanfic right there. ;-)

    Reply
  13. I wonder how you knew about the spandex…

    Reply
  14. I am so late to the party (was out taking over the world of town on vacation), but I LOVED this installment so much I had to comment. Yep! Best place to pee! ;-)

    But if I could choose, I would almost take Susie’s talent (or August’s). As it is, I know where Susie’s keys are. I know where everyone’s keys are.

    Reply

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