Tall Tale Tuesday: Call Me Ishmael

There are 12 winners this week. Next week there will be 12 winners. Leave a comment below and you’ll get to star in a tall tale and make all your 2nd grade dreams come true!

#1: David N. Walker is the limbo winner 12 years running in the Ultimate Spring Break Limbo Competition. He wouldn’t share his secret to his success, but I have a feeling it’s the grass skirt he wears.

Ultimate Limbo. NOT like this. 

(Photo by Steven DePolo)

#2: Catherine Johnson, aka, Harper Lee, stopped writing novels not because she didn’t have it in her, but because she’d sworn to the ferocious Jinihuhu alien warriors that came calling on her doorstep one day that she’d only write stories in their language from then on. Her choice saved the human species. And also, the Jinihuhu stopped their rude and racists ways and are now international peacekeepers. Writers are powerful people.

Jinihuhu kind of look like Beta Ray Bill from The Mighty Thor, except with shinier boots.

Photo by JD Hancock

#3: Susie “Slicer” Lindau has such a strong tennis serve it can break down walls and crumble granite walls.

Preparing the Slice

Photo by Swiv

#4: MJ has the thickest skin in the world. Paul Bunyan and his axe can’t slice through it. Captain Blackbeard can’t pierce it with his saber. The Hulk can’t even smash it. However, he has extremely sensitive feelings and they had him in tears with their smack talk. His skin is literally thick, but not figuratively thick.

His words cut deep. Just ask MJ.

Photo by Tim

#5: Eden Rebekah dug holes in the desert all her days. She was known as “Diggs,” in town and everyone thought she was crazy until she disappeared one day . . . in an uncovered UFO.

#6: Lancelot eats scorpion tails with a side order of fried wasp stingers and a shot of asp venom. For dessert he takes sugar coated porcupine quills. Yummers!

#7: Due to the drought, Author Ashley had to wrangle up a posse of Gusts of Wind and they herded a nice fat crowd of clouds from Washington all the way to Texas.

#8: August Hershey Barr is a deep sea diver who likes to sing with the whales. They (the whales) said she’s welcome to their karaoke night but she can’t perform for money, as it’s against their immigration laws.

Photo by Mike Licht

#9: Tiara Tameri. Yes, I’m speaking of the legendary Tiara Tameri. Of course you know her story. She didn’t win that tiara eatin’ donuts now, did she?

#10: Mari is the greatest rodeo cowgirl of the galaxy. Of course, they don’t just ride cows there but they stick to four legged creatures, for old time’s sake.

#11: KB can track a sparrow through a forest and a tuna up a river. She can track a snake through a cave and a cat burger through Gotham City. Don’t worry, she puts all her skills to good use.

#12: Skinner doesn’t take his name lightly. He can skin anything from a cactus to a possum, from a flower petal to a toad. He has the best pair of mini octopus gloves you’ve ever seen. “Quite comfortable,” he says of them. Oh, did I mention he has eight fingers on each hand?

Well, don’t run off now. You’ve still got one little ole’ comment left to make. All you have to do is leave a comment and I’ll get to make up a tall tale about you next time! Join the jocularity, dudes and dames.

Leave a comment with the title of a movie.

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  1. That is funny! I can only dream of a slice like that! I better get to work with the ball machine…. :) Thanks Ellie for including me!

  2. Ooh, I want to join August for those Karaoke nights! Then maybe I could sing the theme to Casablanca…”As Time Goes By.”

    Fun post, Ellie! Thanks for including me!

    P.S. – I think I really chase cat burglars through Gotham City. Avoid the cat burgers they serve in Gotham. They’re overrated. ;)

    • EllieAnn

       /  July 24, 2012

      LoL. I hope it’s not real cat meat they serve in them.

  3. Well, I’ve been writing like crazy but I’m back, baby. And I would like to say that I love how you do these. And if I win a place in next edition of Tale Tales well, let’s just say you should know my 2nd grade math teacher was named Mrs. Downs. Just saying. ;-) Going back to read some of the stuff I’ve missed!

  4. Adamantine bowels. Worth the money and the wait.

    • EllieAnn

       /  July 24, 2012

      It’s quite a nice superpower to have. =)

      • The superpower’s really the ability to heal. Guy named William Striker took it one step too far, though.

        Still worth the money. Nice parlor trick.

        [thanks for including me, sis]

  5. Hilarious, as always. We’ve long assumed we had a tanner in our family at some point, but have also been hard pressed to explain my mother’s maiden name, Gravel. (It sounds a little nicer when spoken by a French tongue.)

    The Third Man!

  6. How did you know I LOVE karoake?!? And who knew I could swim, much less dive? ;) Another fantastic installment, Ellie Ann. Makes me wanna party with all of these peeps—and YOU—for real.

  7. You nailed me, Ellie Ann – thick skin, sensitive feelings. Yep, that’s me! *dabs tear from eye with tissue*

    Love these posts, BTW.

    Hmm, movie title?? Um, it has to be Citizen Kane; my all-time fave!

    Have a great day, EA!

  8. The only Karaoke song I’ll ever sing is “you make me feel like a natural woman” -a

  9. dsavannah

     /  July 24, 2012

    All I know is, I’m some kind of wonderful.

    That, and these are awesome. :)

  10. How did you know I got the calling? That’s brilliant as usal Ellie!

  11. Damn! I wasn’t going to tell anyone about the grass skirts. BTW, Ashley got stopped at the border. We don’t allow hot air from Washington in Texas.

  12. Whale karaoke! You better not let Skinner anywhere near MJ. That might be awkward or they might end up best buds drinking a pint down at the pub. I think KB’s is my favorite this week. Track a tuna upstream! Awesome.

  13. I have nominated you for the ONE LOVELY BLOG AWARD. For more details, please visit my blog at: http://mypenandme.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/one-lovely-blog-award-3/

  14. These are fantastic!

  15. The incredible hulk is bulky. Like it. :-) Love karaoke bars. :-)


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