How I Relate To Kristen Stewart

Due to my extensive research (aka, reading the tabloid magazine covers in grocery stores) I have found out that Kristen Stewart has cheated on Robert Pattison.

Were they ever dating? I thought were only in true love in their Twilight movies, but I guess I was wrong or something. Turns out they really were a couple in real life.

But then, just as fast as you can say spider monkey, their relationship is over.

Due to more extensive research (aka, reading this huffington post that I completely disagreed with in every way, mostly due to its pretentiousness), I found out she had an affair with a married man.

So, what? I say.

Her bidness is her bidness. I have enough friends with relationships-on-the-rocks in my life, I don’t want to borrow any from the celebrities. And besides, what she did is personal. As my 3 yr-old daughter said when she saw one of the pictures of Kristen Stewart that looked like she just slept with the raccoons, “Mama, did she just go to jail?” NO. No, she did not. What she did was personal, not public. If a celeb drives while intoxicated, DUDE, that’s public! You could kill a kid doin’ that! If a celeb takes drugs. Dude, that stuff is a destroyer and the negative publicity is due to you. But having consensual sex with another . . . I don’t wanna hear about it.

So why is the media crucifying her upside down, like the Romans did to Apostle Paul? Because just like the Roman Tribune thought that Paul was a liar and troublemaker, the media does NOT like Kristen Stewart. And it seems all the mags and celebrities and fans are totally torn up about it.

But you know what it all comes down to?

Really, it all comes down to one thing.

Can you guess what it is?

Nooooo, it’s not that she’s a trampire.

Nooooo, it has nothing to do with Pattison’s boyfriending skills.

Nooooo, it doesn’t have to do with the fact that the man she had an affair with was her director, in a position of authority over her.

Nooooo, it doesn’t have to do with the fact that she never smiles.

Oh, wait.

Yeah . . . it was that.

It’s all because she doesn’t smile. She looks like she walks down the red carpet with a stink bug in her mouth.

 

Oh wait! There’s a smile!

Granted, she’s in front of the camera all the freakin’ time. And it looks like she resents it. Just a tad. Which is fine, but since she didn’t do the media any favors, they aren’t gonna give her any favors, either.

Snow White and the Huntsman supposedly dropped her for the sequel. It’s now called The Huntsman. I don’t think they did this because of the affair, I think they’re using the affair as an excuse to drop her.

Because likability is everything.

You get what you put in.

When you smile you get smiles in return. When you practice acting, you get better at it. When you choose to be faithful, you are. I can relate to that. When I don’t give anything to a project, to a friend, to cleaning the floors, I don’t get squat in return.

And right now, Kristen Stewart’s gettin’ squat.

So I guess the moral of the story is to smile more.

Either that, or to stop looking at tabloid magazines at the grocery store.

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50 Comments

  1. Ha! Indeed. The last line, I mean. :)

    Reply
  2. Funny how the married man who has kids has escaped the backlash, while a 22 year old kid takes all the heat.

    Reply
  3. Perfectly phrased and presented. I was smiling the whole time I read it. At least I won’t see my face on the tabloids! Even though I am an alien. Just look at how I run.

    Reply
  4. I’m with you. I couldn’t care less. And I totally agree that you get what you put into things; life, writing, marriage, kids, home … etc. Finally, that clip with Will Ferrell is absolutely hilarious! Love him. Thanks for the laugh today. P.S. I’m smiling!! :)

    Reply
  5. there is a factor in play that has relevance: Her choice will directly and substantially affect the Twilight franchise. The performance of the last film (coming out soon I think) will be diminished, as will sales of all other things Twilight- DVDs, posters, tshirts, etc.

    Now I don’t have any interest in Twilight or Kristen, here, but there are a lot of people affected by this. In the same way Seinfeld DVDs don’t sell anymore because Kramer came out with racist remarks, everyone will be affected. Nothing illegal about it, but ethics? How about courtesy? KS is not interested in considering how her choices would affect others.

    Far be it from me to pass judgment on her for sleeping with a married person, too, that is an unfortunate choice. In a similar manner, she showed no common courtesy or regard for that dude’s wife or children, who will be harmed and diminished as well. I don’t care if everyone in Hollywood is doing it, it’s still bad.

    I don’t think they are hating on her just because she hates on the cameras… and I don’t think its because anyone has any moral outrage about the affair or general lack of character…. no… I think that the media has a perverse fascination with making a spectacle of young women as bumbling sex symbols, ala Lindsey Lohan, Britney, and all those who have gone before. Not only does it sell, but it perpetuates itself. If they ruin her bad enough, she’ll end up doing a Playboy spread, for work.

    Maybe then people will stop calling her a ‘kid’, at least

    When I’m all famous, I won’t smile for the cameras either, but it’s only because I like stickin’ it to the man and perpetuating my bad-boy image.

    =)

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 12, 2012

      Hands down I think it was a selfish and/or thoughtless decision. But I still can’t judge her for it. She and those affected by it will have to live with those decisions, and try to make a decent future out of it.
      You’ll totally be the ba punk star. You go for that bad-boy image, Solomon.

      Reply
  6. Spider monkey!

    Reply
  7. It’s hard to focus on important celebrity issues like this with that delicious meatloaf snapshot staring me in the face.

    Reply
  8. I was just talking about how celebrities have to give up a lot for fame. I guess they really can’t have it all. DANG!
    I agree about her hang dog appearance and inability to act, BUT the reason this was such big news is that there love affair has been in the news for years. I could care less…There was talk of marriage just recently by Pattinson. All those teeny bopper kids idolized their on screen off screen personas together.
    The only way I know all of this is from scanning the rags in grocery stores too! Hahaha! This is what sells People Magazine!
    The big surprise was that Pattinson talked about ALL of it…hey it really launched his career and status recently!

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 12, 2012

      That was a surprise! Privacy isn’t exactly their main objective in this debacle, I guess.

      Reply
  9. This was all created by publicists. It’s all being controlled by publicists. It’ll go away when whoever is paying those publicists no longer cares/can make any money off keeping those two in the tabloids.

    Reply
  10. That was a fabulous post! And, I love both of the morals. I agree that the amount of media coverage is ridiculous, because who cares? Not me. I do think we should remember that a 22 year old is still an adolesent and her frontal lobe is not fully developed. Oh, if anyone had been keeping track of what I was doing at her age… Scary. And when it really comes down to it, it isn’t actually news.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      That’s right, she’s still so young . . . although she is completely responsible for all her decisions, as are all of us. It’s disturbing her boss took advantage of that.

      Reply
  11. I think you’re spot on. Chris Brown can beat the crap out of Rihanna and still be welcome everywhere. He has a great smile in spite of his curdled innards. Kristen always looks like she hates the world and everyone in it.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      Oh, don’t even get me started on Chris Brown!! ;) Thanks for the comment, Piper.

      Reply
  12. I think you all have missed the truly important part of this message: the next Snow White movie is now The Huntsman.

    Thank you, Kristen! That means ~ all Chris Hemsworth all the time. Yes!!

    As for what she did, yep it was wrong. So was the actions of the married man. I’ve made mistakes in my life, thank goodness they weren’t plastered all over the tabloids. The public needs to forgive her and move on. What she does in her own private world is her bidness, like you said. I certainly don’t want people judging me ~ people who don’t have all the information available to even make a proper judgement ~ so I won’t judge her.

    I’m just happy I get more Chris Hemsworth.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      YES! More Chris Hemsworth is a total win. I’m looking forward to seeing who they cast as the female in The Huntsman.

      Reply
  13. Love this one, Ellie!

    Reply
  14. I laughed out loud at the Will Ferrell YouTube you posted! :-)))))

    Reply
  15. That actually makes a lot of sense. Likable celebrities tend to get more roles, including ones people love to hate. Kristen does seem to resent the attention she gets from the press.

    Reply
  16. OMG I love Will Ferrell! Quite frankly an awesome post.

    Reply
  17. Love this post! I kind of get the fascination with celebrities and their love lives, but sometimes it’s just too much for me. And I agree, I think if she were more likeable in general (like, actually smiled occasionally, especially given how fortunate she’s been in her career, despite whether or not she likes the roles she decided to take) maybe people wouldn’t be quite as hard on her. It’s really none of the public’s business either way, though. But I guess that’s the downside of bein’ famous.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      Hi Alana! Thanks for the comment. I can see the fascination with celebrities, too. I feel the same way about some celebrity authors “I wonder what THEY eat for breakfast?” ;) It’s definitely nice to escape into someone else’s drama every once in a while. That, and see what it would be like to live “the high life.”

      Reply
  18. Ellie, this is an interesting analysis. I don’t follow Hollywood stars – just cause the topic doesn’t interest me, not because there’s something wrong with doing so – but the “not smiling” thing is a neat observation. If I might add, I believe that men can get away with not smiling, but women can’t. If a male star never smiled in his photos, it wouldn’t be as off-putting as a woman acting that way. I’m speaking for myself, too, although I didn’t realize it until just now – those pics of her looking all sulky really bothered me. Isn’t that weird? I’m sure I’m over-simplifying things, but it’s just my gut reaction.

    Thanks,
    Kathy

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      Hm. Good point about the difference between the sexes. I wonder why that is? Probably because men don’t smile much in pictures IRL, either.

      Reply
  19. You have a great smile, Ellie. Peace and Blessings.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      Your smile brightens up my day, Lisa. Thanks for the comment! Peace and blessins, m’friend. =)

      Reply
  20. Excellent points here, Ellie Ann. I think Kristen Stewart is also vilified regarding her affair because she stars in young adult films. She’s, by choice or not, a role model to youth. I also know from a few interviews I’ve caught that she’s pretty shy, which can be perceived as standoffish.

    There are many reasons they call his town Holly-weird. But I hafta say, you’re so right about likability. Actors and other celebs who treat others with warmth are known for it and celebrated. Good thing all your readers LIKE (understatement of the year) so much.

    Reply
    • EllieAnn

       /  September 13, 2012

      She for sure is a “role model” whether she accepts it or not. Then again, we are all models for those around us. She just has MANY more people she models for.
      It’s definitely Holly-weird. hehe.
      You’ve got likability off the charts!

      Reply
  21. Wait, so are you saying it’s okay to cheat of my spouse as long as I smile afterwards. ;-)

    Just kidding.

    I’m with you.

    I. Don’t. Care.

    Seriously.

    I don’t care what anybody does behind closed doors. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like Fifty Shades.

    Wait.

    No, that was just bad writing. ;-)

    Great post.

    Reply
  22. Marianne

     /  September 16, 2012

    I love the Conan Obrien clip. It made me smile. So I guess I’m ok

    Reply
  23. ‘Trampire’! I’m going to remember that one. :)

    Reply
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