Advice for Bella Swan

#1: If a guy you’re interested in admits to sneaking through your window and watching you sleep, “in order to protect you,” then you should call the cops. Immediately.

#2: Girlfriends are not just to hang out with when Edward is busy. Girlfriends actually help teach about healthy relationships . . . you know . . . perspective, give-and-take, conversation, all that stuff that you and Edward don’t do very well. And, when Edward runs off because he knows what’s best for you, ¬†they’re there. Unless, of course, you’ve disintegrated the relationship with them first.

#3: Get a hobby. Boyfriending is not a hobby.

PINING for boyfriend is not a hobby, either.

#4: If you start to feel depressed and suicidal when Edward leaves you, see a counselor. These are some things you might be experiencing, check all that apply:

_ You want to disengage from life.

_ You lose track of time.

_ When in dangerous scenarios, you see hallucinations of your old boyfriend.

_ You purposefully put yourself in dangerous scenarios (getting a motorcycle ride from a stranger, riding motorcycles even though you have no interest in riding motorcycles, jumping off cliffs, etc.) in order to see hallucinations of your old boyfriend.

_ You start hanging out with a new guy, before you’re even over the old guy.

If you checked one or more of the boxes, talk to a friend or counselor right away.

#5: Don’t wear a cardigan to prom. Just . . . don’t.

#6: Don’t kiss a guy you love in front of the other guy you love. It makes you all douchebags.

#7: It is not normal to be covered in bruises after you have sex. Don’t tell the guy “it’s okay, they don’t even hurt,” because even in fantasy land, since when do bruises not hurt? If you’re trying to reassure him when you’re hurt, I’d start to seek professional help.

#8: Just because a guy tells you he can’t get you pregnant, doesn’t mean it’s true. Especially if you haven’t known him that long. Especially if you don’t have medical proof. At least make the guy wear a rubber!

#9: Smile. It’s fun! It’s also attractive

#10: If a guy, any guy, tells you he’s in love with your toddler and she’s his soul mate and he doesn’t mind waiting for her then get him away from her immediately. Even in fantasy glittery unicorn land, that’s just so wrong.

NO.

Does anyone else have any advice for Bella Swan?

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