Tall Tale Tuesday: A Rose by Any Other Name…

Gomer was the first human to settle on the frosty tundra of Neptune, and although she found no life forms, she did discover an unopened Twinkie and a Rolex watch.

A village mob was hunting the nine-headed Jiufeng (Chinese Phoenix) when they got lucky and came upon it as it was flying down a ravine–they threw boulders upon it which resulted in the loss of one of its heads. In a rage, the Jiufeng flew back to the city and devoured the souls of those who had hunted it, and was about to destroy the city when Alodar took out his Uilleann pipe (the only way to communicate with Jiufeng) and they worked out a truce. Any villager who owned a dog would be safe from getting their soul snatched because Jiufeng said, “dogs keep humans sane.”

TGG scoffs at Renaissance art and laughs at the impressionists and won’t even look at modern art. “They are cold and lifeless,” he says of them all. And then he goes back to his eyelid art.

Zemeri Fixtuple paints people’s faces blue as they sleep. Which leads me to believe she’s either a teleporter or knows how to make floo powder.

Q: What is the one area Mr. Spock never ventured into because he had such a heavy grip on rationale thinking?

Emma Von Widebottom and her calvary of rhinos were the only people brave enough to come against George LaLongbottom and his laser gun toting band that rode giraffes. Modern day historians give Emma Von Widebottom a bad rap because she destroyed all laser gun technology after her victory.

On the isle of misfit toys, it was Opalina Nesbit who planned a coup against Santa Claus. But when she let the GI Joes and anorexic mall walking Barbie loose, it got a lot bloodier than she expected and so if your kids don’t get toys from Santa this Christmas — blame the misfits.

Stacy Green is the one that ran a marathon and then won a hot-dog speed eating competition and then performed as Odette in Swan Lake and then slept for 72 hours.

Henry Chinaski had never felt like forsaking his life as a bachelor until he met a black haired vixen who smelled of cupcakes and got in bar room brawls. Her name was Eden Baylee. But their relationship was doomed to failure for she was even more of a free spirit than he was.

When Dr. Seymour Butts, MD, the famous proctologist retired he changed his name to Dr. Seynomour Butts, MD.

She was the Gladiator that had never been beaten. He was the defeated Island King, beaten and broken with nothing to live for. The Ellery Queen vs. JRD Skinner’s battle was something the people of Rome never forgot. Mostly because they turned out to be long lost lovers, refused to fight, and took on a whole legion, killing 83 before they died. Or, at least the historians say they died. Some say they escaped and made it back to their isle.

Demas and Emma were the dynamic duo who freed 156 slaves from Haiti throughout their pirate career. Of course, whether they were aided by the help of their robot crew is up for question, as robots are seldom interested in social injustice.

What people don’t know is that Tiffany A. White is the real writer of Chuck, Vampire Diaries, and Bones. She goes by the super-catchy pen-name: Chuck Damon Westen-Seely White. Want to show her some appreciation for creating great TV shows? Send her a RedBull.

Hazel Barbarosa  is the first person to be able to watch a film and (from a combination of ESP and expert geography knowledge), can tell where it was made. She puts her power to good use and has saved 52 terrorists hostages.

Lynn Kelley’s hilarious — she’s always been the class clown — which isn’t much until you learn she went to clown school.

One day, as he was getting off the subway, Jimmy Jones handed out one hundred dollar bills to everyone who passed him until he ran out. And that’s why any kindness to a stranger is called a “Jimmy Jones.”

Hercules Von Masculine is the unbeatable WWF Wrestler that everyone feared until they learned that his real name was Ima Fari.

Adel, the shape shifter, escaped from the government research facility that had been doing experiments on her! However, the agent’s had implanted a tracking devise on her and had honed in on the library she was hiding at. When they stormed the place — they left disappointed, for all they found was her tracker hidden under the sink. Which goes to show the backwards thinking of the agents, they never guessed that she actually WAS the tracker. She’s free now.

Want your own tall tale? Of course you do!

In the comments, simply write something that could be used as a weapon, and in two weeks you’ll be featured in your own tall tale!

You have a good day, now, ya hear?

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