When Gene Lempp watched the ships take off from San Sebastián de la Gomera, he knew what havoc they would wreck in the next native population they “colonized,” so he turned all their ships into great, sea-faring butterflies. But where did the ships come from that landed on the Bahamas on October 12, 1492? Who knows.

(painting by Angel Villaneuva)

On April 24,1884 a star (whom the astronomers called A.M.S.) exploded, and its death sent shocks waves and radiation throughout the universe. A little piece of stardust travelled all the way to earth, and landed itself on a little baby girl’s tongue. The baby grew up to be a very special friend to the stars.

Larry Enright was elected general of the post apocalyptic northern states, his first order of business was to round up every instrument that still existed and put together a band. He said, “without music, the soul of my soldiers will die.”

Every August 25th, since 1985, at precisely 6:04 AM, Renee Shuls-Jacobson takes a bath in honey, marmoset milk, and crushed and powdered orchid petals. We’re still not sure if that’s what gives her such beautiful skin, or if it’s the one thing that keeps her reptilian alien enemies away?

The last time Tori Nelson and The Doctor went to the zoo, an ape with green eyes signed to her: “October 31, 1970.” They jumped into the tardis and stopped Will Rodman from creating the virus that would destroy humanity. Then they travelled back to the zoo, bought the ape that saved humanity, and set him free, (and then rigged the Oscars so that Andy Serkis could win Best Actor.) It was a busy day for them.

Remember the hype about the apocalypse coming in 2012? Yeah, you have Eden Baylee to blame for that. Never heard of Eden Baylee? She’s the one that lives in a fortress built into the Amalfi Coast, plans media frenzies over apocalypses, and carves out crop circles in her spare time.

Susie Lindau found the following photo in her desk, with a date on the back: Jan. 1, 2032. It’s a perfect likeness of her daughter, but she has no idea where it came from. So she can only assume that her daughter will one day be a time-travelling galaxy-travelling bounty hunter. Which is why she pulled her out of space camp this year.

On April 14, 1995, Stacy Green had a picnic in a field of wildflowers, and when she saw a black-eyed susan’s upturned face she sprinkled some of her Sunny Delight on its leaves. To her surprise, they sang her happy birthday in flowerspeak and she goes back every year on her birthday to try to learn more of their language, but they’ve never spoken again.

Tiffany A. White, the famous CSI detective, was called to a homicide crime scene in which it looked like the only plausible explanation was that the dog had shot its owner and then shot itself. Using evidence from archived files dating back to February 16, 1998, she proved that this was another case of an abusive dog owner that just went too far.

Emilie G., the famous historian and sociologist and psychologist and archeologist, was the first to discover that Jesus Christ was not actually born around Jan 1, 1AD, he was born around 4-6 B.C. It has not been concluded if the Freemasons, the Illuminati, or the Hermetic Order of The Golden Dawn have something to do with the mix-up, but Emilie G. is currently under witness protection.

It was K.B. Owen who invented the 3-D virtual reality video game console that every school girl and boy were given the Christmas of 2525. The graphics were so good that children soon forgot to eat, sleep, walk, pee, and breath. By New Years Eve, there was a ban on all of KB Owen’s products for being “too incredibly lifelike.”

Lynn Kelley beat the world record for biggest squash ever carved into an upright bass, beating the previous record that had been held since March 17, 1920.

David N. Walker is an arachnologist who trains his spiders to survive the rigors of space travel. I’m not sure if it’s because he wants to rid our planet of them or not.

Piper Bayard, the famous thespian, is responsible for sharing the wonders of Star Wars to a man eating tribe in the southern seas. Through the power of her tales, they soon changed their ways …and put together an incredible one act play for her based on the characters she told them about…

Prophecies tell of two girls born on two continents on August 12, 1997, one girl full of pure grace and the other full of pure truth. Yet they would understand each other and become best friends. Eden Rebekah, one of the girls of the prophecy, still has not met her match.

February 3. 1959. It started out like any other day. That is, until the DINOSAURS BURST OUT OF THEIR UNDERWATER CAVES AND ATTACKED THE WORLD! Historians say that if JRD Skinner hadn’t banded with the creatures, humanity would’ve had a chance. But he did, and became ruler of San Francisco in the age of dino utopia.

That was fun! Do you want to star in your own tall tale? Just comment below. I hope you do. Yes, you! You there in the back. I hope you comment.

If you want a tall tale written about you in two weeks time, just leave a comment below with a random character’s name.