Tall Tale Tuesday: Red is the color of the…

Gene Lempp sailed around the world in a purple sailboat seven times. I’m not sure whether that means he’s a master sailor or a really bad navigator.

Fred Jinkins

Elizabeth created a mosaic of Edward Norton’s face in her front hallway. He’s has on a wide smile and a silver polka dot bow tie.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Skinner is the legendary predator wrestler. He tackles anything from alligators to king cobras, just for the sport of it!
And he’s won every wrestling tournament (special note: he always abides by the animal kingdom’s wrestling regulations) Whether his power comes from his diet of watercress salad/fudge brownies or his crimson eyes … we’ll never know.

Once upon a time when Eden Baylee was six yrs old her evil stepmother took her on a horse ride through the woods. Knowing her stepmother’s black and jealous heart, she picked a white daisy and scattered its seeds as she rode. Just as she anticipated, her stepmother pushed her off the horse and abandoned her alone in the middle of the dark woods. Luckily, she found the well-dressed, silent, bearded bowlers who had hosted Rip Van Winkle so many years ago. She ordered a drought of month-long forgetfulness, and the next thing she knew she awoke and followed a trail of white daisies back home.

Susie Lindau can control lightning–as long as she’s wearing a periwinkle blue Ascot.

One year the American tooth fairy was fired due to mental instability. Sonia G Medeiros petitioned Oberon for the job, which he quickly granted her, and gave her the copper teleportation ring allotted to all tooth fairies. I wonder what she does with all the teeth she collects.

Tiffany A White won double dutch tourneys three years running in the Bronx. She’s got moves you’ve never seen . . . and an outfit to match. Who knew a red rodeo clown suit would be an appropriate jump roping outfit?

David N Walker, the famous geneticist, combined the genes of a lizard and a kangaroo … creating the lizardoo. As you would expect, they are very useful delivering information and lizardoos have completely replaced mail people in Australia.

Stephanie Fuller the Feisty Cerulean Knight captured the bridge over the Bottomless Pit, and challenged every knight who wanted to cross it to a duel (she gives rock candy to every woman and child that pass). After she won the duel (which she invariably would) she’d cut off a lock of their hair, which she stuffed into pillows and sold to the King.

After Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson became Empress of The Earth, Moon, Planets, Including all Habitations Earth Might Discover (try to say that title in one breath), she had every SINGLE fuchsia object destroyed. She said it “messed with her chi.”

The Colors were racing to the aurora borealis. First one there got to be top of the rainbow. Last one there, bottom of the rainbow. Indigo, the most arrogant of all Colors, was the favored winner. However, he was so arrogant he thought he could get there without directions. When things got tricky he stopped and demanded KB Owen give him directions. KB Owen, not liking the tone he took with her, gave him directions that took him the long way around Canada, and THAT, my friends, is why Indigo is last on the rainbow (and why speaking politely to strangers is always a good idea.)

Larry Hehn doesn’t trust cell phones. He says the government uses them to read your minds. So instead of an iPhone, Blackberry, Droid, or whatever phone the government is using to read your mind with, Larry uses Macaws. Green Macaws. So if you see one of those magnificent birds flying through the city, it’s probably one of Larry’s.

Lynn Kelley invented a household robot that she called Mr. P Green. Mr. P Green does dishes, sweeps floors, dusts furniture, and most importantly … writes thank you notes.

Emilie G. plays lead guitar in an underwater band. So if you are a lover of weird yet phenomenal music, and have 3k $ to blow on a ticket to one of her concerts, you should definitely book a ticket to Necker Island and see her band, The Corals.

Jess Witkins broke the world’s land speed record for riding-on-a-football-player’s-shoulders-while-wearing-an-auburn-wig.

If you knew Eden Rebekah, you’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood. You’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood and walking through a deep dark wood. You’d want to warn her against wearing her blood-red hood and walking through a deep dark wood and carrying a hot delicious pot pie. You’d want to warn her there are wolves out and about. If only you knew Eden Rebekah.

Now that was good clean fun! Much better than those boring turtle races and bell ringing bands you find on TV nowadays.

So sign up for your own! Just drop a line in the comments below with a MOVIE TITLE and in two weeks time you’ll star in your very own taaallll tale.

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