Anyone could have an affair.
There’s no doubt about it.
I don’t think anyone is too smart or moral or happy to be totally impervious to adultery.
But you can do everything you can to protect your relationship, and be aware of situations that can lead to another person’s arms. I’m not here to denounce, despise, and damn adultery, that’s not my job. But I want to be aware of it. As the old adage says, “You get cut by forgetting how the knife can cut you.”
Because really, when you think about it, most affairs are pretty simple.
-An old flame returns to town.
-You’re hammered out of your mind.
-You emotionally bond yourself to another person.
-You catch yourself in a dark and lonely room with an attractive person.
-You’re mad at your spouse.
Affairs aren’t funny. But it’s funny how they surprise people.
“We’d just been talking intimately every day for the past few months then one day we suddenly found ourselves kissing.” -that kiss was a loooong time comin’, folks.
“I . . . um, *cough* don’t remember much about last night.” – you better hope your spouse doesn’t want to remember it, either!
“Dang. I’m bored. I need some sexy excitement.” – Ten minutes in Heaven, twenty-years paying hell for it.
“I’m so sorry! It just happened! We were alone in a dark room talking about the PGA and the next thing I knew . . . ” -yeah, no matter how much you love your spouse or your kids or your life, when faced with the chance to procreate with someone you find attractive, the hormones just take over.
I think the best movie on the evolution of an affair is Last Night with Kiera Knightly, Sam Worthington, Eva Mendes, & Guillaume Callet.
Old flame. Office Romance. You know the rest.
You could see the affair coming from a mile off.
If I see an affair coming a mile off and keep on walking towards it, it’s my fault.
That’s why certain security measures should be put in place to ward off affairs.
“We specialize in a very specific type of security.”
No, Cobb–we don’t need THAT type of security.
Marriage, oneness, loyalty, and sex are more precious than what’s inside Fort Knox. So you should obviously set up guard dogs, electric fences, twelve-foot concrete walls, alligator pits, poison-dart booby traps, laser beams, quick sand, and Terminators around them.
- Don’t believe emotions are beyond your control. Control is the keyword. Love is a choice. Every day you wake up and choose who you want to love. You choose who you want to pursue. If you believe you can suddenly fall in love with someone else, it means you’re a slave to every sentimental whimsy that passes through your head, or that hormones have mastered you. And hormones are not a very kind master.
- Don’t be alone in a private room with anyone else, (especially if it involves swimming, candlelit dinners, telling intimate stories about your past, getting rescued, or learning something new.) It’s not about trust here. It’s about biology. Wanna fight with biological urges? Good luck.
- When you get bored, chase your other half, not someone else. Try something new with them you’ve never done before. Ask them questions you haven’t asked them since you were dating. Do what they want to do. Surprise them (if they like surprises) or prepare something special for them with a lot of warning in advance (if they don’t like surprises). Just . . . you know . . . chase them!
- Sharing intimate conversation regularly will emotionally bond two people. It’s how you make friends. And sometimes with friends of the opposite sex, that bond crosses a line, into a territory you should only cross with your mate. You’ll start telling them things instead of your mate. You’ll go to them for comfort, encouragement, laughs, cries, and explanations of pop-culture references instead of your mate. Don’t be surprised if one day you’ll find yourself crossing other lines.
Here’s a fitting story my friend Piper Bayard told me about being friends with the opposite sex:
A barber told his client, “Look at that boy. He’s so stupid. Watch this. He does this every day.”
The barber stepped outside and called the boy over. “Kid, I’ve got fifty cents in one hand and a dollar in the other. Pick which hand you think has the most money.”
The barber held out his hands, the money obvious in his palms. The kid pointed to the hand with fifty cents, and the barber gave it to him, laughing. “Right, Kid. You’re a bright one.”
The barber went back inside his shop, shaking his head at how stupid the kid was.
The customer, his business with the barber finished, caught up to the kid and asked, “How come you took the fifty cents?”
The kid grinned. “Because the day I take the dollar is the day the game is over.”
We can be good friends with members of the opposite sex and be true in our marriages, but ONLY if we remain constantly aware that greed will bring the apocalyptic end of it all.
I don’t judge anyone who has an affair, I sympathize, and mourn over what they lost. I hurt over their hurt. I know if I was in their same position, I could have done the same thing.
It’s just that I’ve made a vow never to put myself in that position. And I plan on keeping it.
What do you think about affair prevention?
Any advice or thoughts on the matter?