Tall Tale Tuesday: The Numbers

Howdy sirs and ma’ams. So great of you to show up for this trek into the land of my imagination, where I put you in any type of landscape or fable I so desire. Forgive me an evil laugh *mwa-hahaha!* Last week everyone who commented picked a number, and I took that number, and used it in a tall tale. So gather round and listen to the tales:

42 the number of times Derek Hawkins has hacked into the federal reserve’s computer and changed the print so that every $5 bill had Abe Lincoln with a handlebar mustache and hat.

43 the number of times Gene Lempp, the greatest federal reserve employee to ever live, caught Derek Hawkins hacking into the federal reserve’s computer and then painted a handlebar mustache and a cyclops eye on him with permanent marker.

69 the number of cars Renee Shuls-Jacobson jumped over in her monster truck.

82 the number of days it took Anne-Mhairi Simpson to track down a mother bear who’d left her berry picking basket on Anne-Mhairi’s front porch. The mother bear was so grateful she gave Anne-Mhairi a handful of the sweetest blueberries she’d ever tasted, or probably ever will taste.

298,777 the number of seashells it took Aanna to make into a boat to get her off the deserted island she’d crashed her hang glider into.

8 the number of years it took Eden Baylee to create the spider that bit spider man. (5 is the number of minutes it took for her to regret ever making the spider once she saw what a whiny lad Peter Parker was.)

11 number countries Kathy Owen has visited by hanging onto the wings of a bi-plane. She claims it’s more comfortable than riding coach in an airliner.

100 the number of shoes JRD Skinner has stolen from different monarchs around the world. But he’s not greedy, he only steals the left one.

9 the number of traffic violations Liz McLennan got while trying to teach her blind neighbor how to drive. You’d think the police should be more understanding of someone trying to do a good deed!

16 the number of times Tiffany A White has been mistaken for Marilyn Monroe. “You have her eyes and her demeanor,” they all tell her, which is why she always refuses to take┬áNembutal.

Infinity the symbol Lynn Kelley found on some alien technology she discovered in the desert of Tanzania. She hopes it signifies the number of days it will be before the alien’s return.

888 the number of motorcycles Jesse had to buy before he found the one that was just right for him. “Motorcycles are like wands,” he said, “The master doesn’t choose the motorcycles, rather the motorcycle chooses the master.”

13 the age of Billie Joe Woods when she received her first Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the way to end tribal warfare. I didn’t get through her whole thesis, but I know that it involves jumping rope and garlic pretzels.

square root of pi X the number of molecules in an average cat whisker is what Sonia G. Medeiros said was her favorite number during her TIME interview, which made her an instant celebrity to the molecular physicist and cat lovers.

101 the number of times Emilie G had to repeat the words “nuclear” to a certain president before he started saying it right.

99 the number of baths Annie, the ultra-famous skunk photographer, must take after one of her expeditions.

That was great fun! Let’s do it again!

Head and shoulders knees and toes! Leave a body part (keep it PG, sirs and ma’ams) in the comments below and you’ll win your very own tall tale in two weeks time (will be posting tall tales every other week from now on).

Have a good day! Stay reals.

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