Tall Tale Tuesday

Hello and welcome to Tall Tale Tuesday, the part of the show where I come out and tell you a tall tale … featuring … you! My awesome readers! Or, more specifically, my awesome commenters. I had so much fun coming up with crazy stories to put y’all in. So without further ado, here are your tall tales:

Gene Lempp was the first to spot the cellular anomaly on the moon, the first to go to the moon to investigate further, thus the first to eat of the delicious cheese that had erupted from one of the moon’s craters.

The Good Greatsby (the famous boxer) had the best sucker punch (An unexpected punch that catches a person completely off guard) in the whole world. Probably because he uses an actual sucker to land the blow.

Have you heard of the epic frog vs. squirrel war of 1999? It would have gone apocalyptic if Larry Enright hadn’t bribed the squirrels with macadamia nuts and counseled the frogs in anger management.

When Annie cooks Tilapia, the aroma is so heavenly it seems like even the sun and wind lean towards her house to take a sniff.

Kathy Owen has a dog that says, “Moo!” a cow that says, “Quack!” and a chameleon that says, “Polly wanna cracker?” Thus her children flunked animal noises class in preschool.

Piper Bayard was swimming in a race across the English channel when she was struck by lightning and had to be pulled onto a boat. However, when the press harassed her with questions all she replied was, “it was a fortunate case of serendipity,” which leads me to believe the lightning strike gave her aquatic super powers.

JRD Skinner tracked down the infamous bartender serial killer with nothing more than a posse of bulldogs and his vorpal trident.

Sonia G. Medeiros, the famous street racer, always shouts “fahrvergnügen, suckas!” as she crosses the finish line, which some consider bad sport, but I find it a refreshingly good use of a good German word.

Tiffany A White had an epic no-laughing contest with Will Ferrell, who performed every trick and joke he could think of and she never even tittered. Will couldn’t keep a straight face when she started juggling cats while telling ‘yo mama’ jokes.

Jen Kirchner sang the famous Italian opera, Sakùntala, every time she took a shower. Her neighbors would applaud and leave tips for her delightful performance, which was good because she had an outrageous water bill.

Have you heard of Saint Steven Montano, who planted coffee trees all over North America and left french presses for those in need? The Pope was so thankful for his peace efforts he gave him a blessed French Press that creates holy coffee. Nobody’s certain of all the powers that holy coffee possesses yet, but no doubt Saint Steven Montano will find out in no time.

It was rumored that a man named Huge survived a plane crash in the Arctic tundra, was raised by jackrabbits, was taught how to protect himself by a walrus, and was schooled by the snow owls. When asked how he liked school, he replied, “it was a hoot.”

Jessica (Meet the Buttrams) wrote an entire sonnet composed of only the words, “dawn,” “goat,” and “priceless.” It is, of course, lauded as one of the best American post modern poems of the century.

Renee Schuls-Jacobson, the famous IQ test-taker, is such a genius that scientists had to come up with a new name for being above-genius. They decided on: Renee Schuls-Jacobson, the only hurgen-flurgen in the world.

Eden Baylee, the famous painter, is also known as Basil Hallward, the one who painted Dorian Gray’s portrait. So if she ever asks you if she can paint your picture, RUN!

Jenny likes to go ostrich racing on the weekend … which would be fine except that she likes to race her ostrich down the interstate.

David N Walker, the famous celebrity-ologist, nicknames every celebrity with the name of a vegetable or fruit. Guess who he calls The Squash?

Lynn Kelly bakes crumpets for the storks who delivers babies to China – needless to say, she’s a very busy woman.

Stephanie Fuller carves crates of intricate snowflakes with her microscopic ice pick and then drops them over the desert in Saudi Arabia so the children can experience snow.

Jesse’s so thrifty he lived in a tree for a year eating only pecans and bark. By the end of the year he could speak Tree … so it really pays to be thrifty.

Billie Jo Woods, the famous Secret Service Agent, smelled poison in the air surrounding the green room and then the electricity went down so she lit a match … but that was a really bad idea.

That was a lot of fun! So, if you want a taaaalllll tale written about you next ,

just leave a number (any number) in the comments below and come back next week for your very own story featuring you!

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